NCIS
Mondays 9:00 PM on CBSFavorite Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard Quotes
Ducky: Tony! Meet former medical examiner, and my esteemed predecessor, Dr Walter Magnus. Magnus is my guest.
Gibbs: Bringing guests to crime scenes now, are you, Duck?
Ducky: Yes, well, only ones that used to be me!
(Gibbs and Ducky are in Autopsy, looking over Sgt Wooten's body.)
Ducky: These bruises and lascerations could be consistent with somebody hitting a target repeatedly.
Gibbs: The target was the wife, Duck. I wouldn't blame her if she did this.
Ducky: Nobody would. But that doesn't make it any less of a crime.
Palmer: No. I don't want to.
Ducky: You don't want to what, Mr. Palmer?
Palmer: I don't want to know how much her liver weighs. I don't want to catalogue her scars. Most of all, I don't want to cut open another friend. Think I've had my limit.
Palmer: Speaking of shaking things up, Brina and I, we're having a baby.
Ducky: My dear Jimmy! Such news shouldn't be delivered as an aside. How long have you known? When is the baby due?
Palmer: Brina's not "due" due. We're on a waiting list. We decided to adopt. We figured there were so many unwanted kids out there that we'd adopt first.
Ducky: Bravo Mr. Palmer! Such a decision is admirable and positively thrilling.
Tony: One other question, I know you're an expert in English history. And I was just wondering, have you ever heard of Archibald Drummond, the 17th Earl of Trent?
Ducky: The Earl of Trent. No, I can't say I have. Why?
Tony: I was just wondering. Thanks.
Tony: Oui, oui, monsieur. Je suis very special Agent DiNozzo.
Ducky: The French do see arrogance as a virtue. So you'll be welcome there. But remember: in France, only tip 6%.
Ducky: If the cases are connected, does that infer that Arnett was also murdered?
Gibbs: And we've got our hands full.
I've always believed that jogging does more harm then good. The major here is an extreme example of my theory. The human body was never designed to take that kind of pounding. It's calamitous to the vertebrae, not to mention the trauma it does to the knee.
Ducky: Interesting date for such a ghoulish demise.
Palmer: Yeah, it's a really cool way to go! [silence] Cool, as in the temperature. Liquid nitrogen. Forget it.
Ducky: I think I hear my pillow calling. Unless, of course, you'd like to talk about the real reason you're down here?
Bishop: A suspect got away because of me. I completely screwed up, Ducky. And I went to Gibbs to explain but he said it was fine. Which, I know it's not. And...
Ducky: Eleanor, when the world overwhelms I find the best thing to do is to start by accomplishing just one little thing.
Bishop: I really don't think I can do that anymore.
Ducky: If you actually believe that - why are you sitting on the frigid floor, in the middle of the night?
Ducky: Allow me to impart a little bit of wisdom that I have given to each and every aspiring agent before you, on this your probie eval day. Don't fret your number. Jethro gives low scores to push you.
Bishop: Wait. What?
Palmer: The lower your score, the more potential Gibbs thinks you have.
Bishop: So if you got a high score?
Ducky: Then, I would advise you to turn in your badge
Losing anyone you know is always difficult. But all we can do now is our jobs.
