House: There are no cars coming. Just go.
Rachel: The light is red, ye bloody scallywag.
Dr. Cuddy: Stop with the pirate talk.
House: If you don't want Brownbeard to end up with two wooden legs, better get your ma to move this ship, you mangy bilge rat.
Dr. Cuddy: Of course... you showed her that filthy cartoon. What kind of idiot lets a three-year-old watch that?
House: If you want to lecture me on my poor judgment, there seems to be more relevant examples.

His life is gonna unravel. In fairness, that applies to any diagnosis. Oh, why do we do this?

You know I was just thinking how much I want a relationship with no sex but where I still have to deal with your mother.

House: Miserable stays miserable. Happy doesn't buy lottery tickets in the first place.
Thirteen: Our level of happiness is set. It's in our DNA. No cash payout's gonna change that.
House: It's like there's two of me.

Oh, I'm starting to get the connection. Yeah, she has a house. My name is House.

That was totally courageous of Khloe to tweet about her weight gain.

What are you doing? We got a patient with a walking disorder who can't seize. No wait. I'm close though, right?

Because I can get a rise out of your BP. His pee pee, on the other hand...

Thirteen: The truth made him miserable.
House: It's like there's two of me.

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