Masters: House, how many prostitutes have you had?
House: As in eaten? Ever? This year?
Masters: Slept with. Since you've been here.
House: All but one. She did my taxes.

Dr. Wilson: Maybe... talk to someone.
House: Already scheduled.
Dr. Wilson: Really?
House: I'm not an idiot. I know I need help.
Dr. Wilson: Okay. That's... great. I meant, like, a counselor.
House: I know.
Dr. Wilson: But you meant a hooker.
House: Yeah. baby steps.

You suck. Feel free to interpret that both ways.

If anything does wrong, take her to the doctor. I'm only eight paces away.

I'm just trying to get you out of here because underneath this sheet, stuff is going on.

Wilson: She told me you had taken a Vicodin.
House: And then I took A lot more.

Dr. Cuddy: You don't take Vicodin because you're scared. You take it so you won't feel pain. Everything you've ever done is to avoid pain. Drugs, sarcasm... keeping everybody at arm's length so no one can hurt you.
House: As opposed to everyone else in the world who goes looking for pain like it's buried treasure?
Dr. Cuddy: Pain happens when you care. Y-you can't love someone without making yourself open to their problems, their fears. And you're not willing to do that.

All dream symbols mean you're stressed at work. Or castration anxiety.

Dr. Cuddy: You're right. Odds are this is nothing.
House: Meet me in the cafeteria in ten. There'll be a corn dog with your name on it. I mean an actual corn dog. They fixed the deep fryer.

Dr. Cuddy: Did you actually wake up early and hide under the bed just to scare the crap outta me?
House: Set an alarm and everything.
Dr. Cuddy: It's like dating a ten-year-old.
House: God, I hope not.

House: I could do better.
Cuddy: I don't think you can.

House: If you don't make it, I won't sleep with anyone for at least a month.
Cuddy: Make it two.

House Quotes

Dr. Cameron: House doesn't believe in pretense. Figures life's too short and too painful. So he just says that he thinks.
Dr. Foreman: "I say what I think" is just another way of saying "I'm an assho"...

(about House) The son of a bitch is the best doctor we have.

Dr. Cuddy