The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXFavorite Dr. Hibbert Quotes
(While watching a glowing Homer behind an X-ray)
Dr. Hibbert: Now Mrs. Simpson, what you see here is the radioactive dye we injected into your husband's bloodstream.
Nurse: But doctor! I haven't injected the dye yet!
Dr. Hibbert: Dear lord...
Tell him it's the "worst prognosis ever!" Hee hee hee.
Dr. Hibbert [about Comic Book Guy]
Dr. Hibbert: Homer, I'm afraid you'll have to undergo a coronary bypass operation.
Homer: Say it in English, Doc.
Dr. Hibbert: You're going to need open heart surgery.
Homer: Spare me your medical mumbo jumbo.
Dr. Hibbert: We're going to cut you open, and tinker with your ticker.
Homer: Could you dumb it down a shade?
Dr. Hibbert: Mind if I have a word with your wife?
Homer: As you wish. But look upon her not with lust. And do not send her friendly emails, that's how it begins.
Dr. Hibbert: Um, your wife agreed that I should break this to you.
Homer: No need, Doc. I can read Marge like a book. (Looks at Marge, who is very glum.)
Marge: Hmm.
Homer: Ooh, it's good news, isn't it?
Dr. Hibbert: Well, only one in two million people has what we call the "evil gene". Hitler had it, Walt Disney had it, and... Freddy Quimby has it.
Lionel Hutz: Thank you, Dr. Hibbert. I rest my case.
Judge Snyder: You rest your case?
Lionel Hutz: What? Oh no, I thought that was just a figure of speech. Case closed.
Hmm. If I didn't know any better, I'd swear he was trying to moon us.
Dr. Hibbert
Mrs. Simpson, I'm afraid your husband is dead. (classic laugh) April Fools. He's very much alive, although I'm afraid he may never walk again.
Hibbert: I must warn you though, this procedure will cost you upwards of $30,000.
Homer: Aaarrrggh! (collapses)
Hibbert: I'm afraid it's now $40,000.
Dr. Hibbert: Homer's illness is either caused by ingesting spoiled food, or some sort of voodoo curse.
Patty: (Holding a voodoo doll) Hey, we've just been working the eyes.
Without further ado, I give you the man who puts young people behind bars, where they belong, TV's 'Matlock'.
(Dr. Hibbert gives Bart money after retrieving his golf ball.)
Bart: A dollar? What for?
Dr. Hibbert: It's the least I could do. These balls cost five dollars new.
Bart: So I can get a dollar for every ball I find? Then if a cell phone costs $100, how many balls do I need?
Dr. Hibbert: (speaking aside to Dr. Riviera, his caddy) This is why my kids go to private school. (Laughs)
