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Five minutes ahead of schedule... Right on schedule.

Ryan: Did you see Saw?
Dwight: Of course I seesaw, Mose and I seesaw all the time.

Michael: Boner Bomb starring Jason Statham. Or go against type with an Eisenberg or Michael Cera.
Dwight: Movie idea?
Michael: Noooo...Saving the world has never been this hard.

I have no feeling in my fingers or penis, but I think it was worth it.

Salesman is king. As the best salesman I am king of kings. Oh, you say Jesus is king of kings? Well, what does that say to you about how I think of myself.

You couldn't handle my undivided attention.

Normally I don't condone leaving early, but I have an appointment with the horse doctor. How that horse became a doctor, I don't know. [laughs] No, I'm kidding. He's just a regular doctor who shoots your horse in the head when its leg is broken.

Dwight: I can't believe you came.
Michael: That's what she said.

Michael: I have dibs. Do you respect dibs?
Dwight: (scoffs) I'm not a barbarian.

Just once, I'd like to be a puppet master and have nothing go wrong. Is that too much to ask?

Congratulations on your one cousin. I have 70, each one better than the last.

Pam: You've been watering down the soap?
Dwight: Why do you even need soap? Are you that bad at going to the bathroom?

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 634 in total

The Office Quotes

In the end, the greatest snowball isn't a snowball at all...it's fear. Merry Christmas.

Dwight

Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.

Michael