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Five minutes ahead of schedule... Right on schedule.

Ryan: Did you see Saw?
Dwight: Of course I seesaw, Mose and I seesaw all the time.

Michael: Boner Bomb starring Jason Statham. Or go against type with an Eisenberg or Michael Cera.
Dwight: Movie idea?
Michael: Noooo...Saving the world has never been this hard.

I have no feeling in my fingers or penis, but I think it was worth it.

You couldn't handle my undivided attention.

Salesman is king. As the best salesman I am king of kings. Oh, you say Jesus is king of kings? Well, what does that say to you about how I think of myself.

Just once, I'd like to be a puppet master and have nothing go wrong. Is that too much to ask?

Normally I don't condone leaving early, but I have an appointment with the horse doctor. How that horse became a doctor, I don't know. [laughs] No, I'm kidding. He's just a regular doctor who shoots your horse in the head when its leg is broken.

Dwight: I can't believe you came.
Michael: That's what she said.

Michael: I have dibs. Do you respect dibs?
Dwight: (scoffs) I'm not a barbarian.

Congratulations on your one cousin. I have 70, each one better than the last.

Pam: You've been watering down the soap?
Dwight: Why do you even need soap? Are you that bad at going to the bathroom?

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 634 in total

The Office Quotes

I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them.

Andy

Sometimes I'll start a sentence, and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way. Like an improv conversation. An improversation.

Michael