Popular Dwight Schrute Quotes
I always wanted to be hay king... but the world shines on Mose.
Michael: We think a lot alike. Sometimes you will think something and I will say what you're thinking-
Dwight: OK, what am I thinking right now?
Michael: Umm, nacho chips.
Dwight: No... How skin is the largest organ of the body.
Michael: Oh, OK. Let me just cut to the chase, Dwight. I want you to fall on your sword for me.
Dwight: Oh, not gonna happen.
Dwight: Congratulations on choosing Schrute Farms for your wedding.
Andy: We haven't decided on anything yet. We're still reviewing some options, and it's gonna come down to the numbers.
Dwight: Well, then. Why don't you look over some of our materials?
Andy: Oh. Hmm.
Dwight: [looking at Angela] While I describe to you the Excalibur package. In addition to the breathtaking natural beauty and smell of Schrute Farms, I can promise you that our grounds can be catered to fit your exact specifications. I will work tirelessly for you over the coming months and be at your constant disposal. Please feel free to call or stop by, any time of the day or night.
Andy: That's very generous.
Dwight: While you, my good friend, have nothing more to worry about. This wedding is officially out of your hands.
Andy: Oh, thank the good Lord. Deal!
Dwight: OK.
Andy: Um, what are we talking price wise?
Dwight: You already said deal.
Angela: Pay him whatever he wants.
Andy: Can't argue with that.
Dwight: I can't believe you came.
Michael: That's what she said.
Dwight: It's only Meredith.
Michael: Yeah, it's only Meredith, thank God. But did you see the way they looked at me? Like I was a murderer or something.
Dwight: Hey... Why did you do it?
Michael: It was an accident.
Dwight: Was she talkin' back?
Michael: No.
Dwight: Did you get sick of that face? Did she owe you money? Uh-oh. Is this downsizing? Did she spurn your advances?
Kelly: I never thought of myself as an executive before.
Dwight: I know, because you have no role models! How many Indian CEOs can you think of?
Kelly: I can't think of any CEOs. Any race.
Dwight: You could be the Indian Bill Gates. You could be the Indian... Ted Turner.
Kelly: I could be the Indian Julia Roberts.
Dwight: That's not... [sighs] she's... OK. Yes.
Michael: OK, here's what happened, David. It was all my idea. You called me and you were really angry at me and I got scared, so I had Dwight take the fall, but now, it turns out that it's a great idea and Dwight will not confess. Can you believe that?
David: No, no.
Dwight: It is my idea.
Michael: Oh how dare you.
Dwight: It is my idea. I'm filled with good ideas. Thousands of good ideas.
Michael: You are? Good ideas, huh? Hey, did you come up with toilet buddy? It's a net, circular net, that you put inside the toilet to catch all of your change and your wallet from falling into the toilet? Formally known as toilet guard?
Dwight: Horse Boat.
Angela: [on phone] Hello? Hello?
Andy: What is wrong with you?
Oscar: Why won't you do Andy?
Angela: What?
Andy: That was Oscar and he wants to know why you won't do me and I think it's a valid question.
Angela: Are you drunk?
Andy: This is Andy Bernard!
Angela: I know who this is!
Andy: I wanna take you to sex school.
Angela: What?
Dwight: [on phone] Who is that, Monkey?
Andy: Is somebody there?
Angela: Are you drunk?
Andy: I have needs.
Angela: We will discuss this later.
Andy: Naked.
Angela: What?
Andy: We'll discuss it later naked. I want to see you naked.
Intern: Is there anything else I can do?
Dwight: Yes, um... See those files behind Kevin's desk?
Intern: Mm-hmm?
Dwight: Go put them in random order.
Oh, you know that line on the top of the shrimp? That's feces.
Angela: Do you want to give Michael your urine?
Dwight: I want him to have all the urine he needs.
Dwight: So basically, the greater volume you decide to buy in, the greater discount we can give you.
Blonde: OK.
Dwight: OK, what's up?
Blonde: Look, I'm gonna go...
Dwight: Oh-oh-oh before you go, I'd just love to get a firm commitment on this. You know maybe sign-
Blonde: Look, we already have a paper supplier.
Dwight: OK. Well, thanks for wasting my time tonight, idiot. God!
Michael: Hey, you don't deserve her.
Dwight: Thanks, Michael.
