Popular Dwight Schrute Quotes
Dwight: You know what you need? Closure.
Michael: You're right. What do you mean though?
Dwight: There was a woman in your life who affected you very deeply, and she left before you could say good bye. I think you need to say good bye.
Michael: Hmm.
Dwight: Come on. I'll drive.
I really like Andy these days. He's pretend and he does exactly what I tell him to.
Dwight: What's your daughter's name again? Pee Pee?
Jim: Pee Pa.
Michael: You need someone in the middle to facilitate -
Jake: You're just a middleman.
Michael: I'm not just a middleman.
Melissa: Wait, why doesn't the manufacturer just sell the paper directly to people?
Michael: You are describing Office Depot. And they are kind of running us out of business.
Dwight: We have better service than they do!
Jim: Okay, so all we need is a theme... and cups, and ice, and punch, and a cake.
Dwight: Busy!
Jim: Hey, what's that show that she's always talking about?
Dwight: Oh, my God. Is this how you are with Pam? 'Cause she must want to shoot herself in the face.
Jim: You know what? I could use a little help.
Dwight: You know what? I'm a little busy.
Jim: We have a lot to do, and you are... putting up a very effeminate sign. Is that what you've been doing, is making a sign?
Dwight: It's not effeminate. It's festive.
Jim: You've been making that sign, for something that we could just announce to the whole office? Hey everybody, the party's now at 3!
Stanley: I know, I just read it on the sign.
Where are gay men's vaginas?
Dwight: Ask him about the party.
Michael: [on speakerphone] Oh, right. David, are you coming to my 15th anniversary party?
David: I'll give it my best shot, Michael.
Dwight: No the other thing.
Michael: Oh, ok. If we hire Cirque de Soleil as salaried employees, will that help us with year-end tax stuff? [longsilence]
Dwight: He hung up?
David: No.
Dwight: You got this Kosher certified?
Ryan: No I meant it like, it's cool, it's Kosher, it's all good.
Michael: Look, Dwight here is a wuss. When we rented "Armageddon", he cried at the end of it.
Dwight: Michael, I told you! It was because it was New Year's Eve and it started to snow at exactly midnight!
Michael: [As Dwight] "Oh, are they really gonna leave Bruce Willis on the asteroid? Boo-hoo!"
Dwight: Oh my God.
Michael: Aw, it's alright.
Dwight: Oh man,
Michael: Aw, my car.
Dwight: Not good.
Prince Grandfather: Is everyone okay?
Prince Grandmother: It sounded bad.
Dwight: Yeah.
Michael: No no, we are fine. You have done enough already.
Dwight: You've done more then you can possibly know.
Michael: Just shut up.
Jim: Dwight tried to kiss me.
Michael: What?
Jim: And I didn't tell anyone, 'cause I'm not really sure how I feel about it.
Dwight: That is not true. Redact it. Redact it!
Jim: Well, I'm not actually making a formal complaint. I just really think we should talk about it.
Angela: Are you swallowing them whole? You're eating them so fast, are they even touching your tongue?
Kevin: Yes.
Dwight: Brownies is it? Hm. Pastry cubes made of sugar and fat? No thank you, I'll stick with my jerky.
Jim: So why did you come in here?
Dwight: To socialize. And inform.
