Nostalgia is truly one of the great human weaknesses...second only to the neck.

If onlys and justs were candies and nuts, then everyday would be un de donkfest!

Dwight: Michael, since it is your 15th anniversary at the company, I thought it might be appropriate to begin the festivities with a 15-minute round of applause.
Michael: I like it.
Dwight: Followed by a 15-minute moment of silence.

'R' is among the most menacing of sounds. That's why they call it murder and not mukduk.

Women are like wolves. If you want a wolf, you have to trap it. Snare it. Then to keep it happy, you have to tame it. Feed it, care for it. Lovingly. The way an animal deserves to be loved. And my animal deserves a lot of loving.

Dwight: Knock, knock.
Michael: Who's there?
Dwight: KGB.
Michael: KGB - [Dwight slaps Michael]
Dwight: [in Russian accent] We will ask the questions!

I never smile if I can help it. Showing one's teeth is a submission signal in primates. When someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life.

Dwight

Kevin will be eaten. Pam will be taken slave. Jim will be made a Warlord's jester. Meredith will be okay.

Ryan: Did you see Saw?
Dwight: Of course I seesaw, Mose and I seesaw all the time.

Dwight: Don't you want to earn Schrute bucks?
Stanley: No. In fact, I'll give you a billion Stanley nickels if you never talk to me again.
Dwight: What's the ratio of Stanley nickels to Schrute bucks?
Stanley: The same as the ratio of unicorns to leprechauns.

You have the right to remain silent. You have the right to beg for mercy. You have the right to request judgment by combat. Dwight's rights.

Dwight: Jim, tell him wear he can stick his grapes.
Jim: In the fridge!

The Office Quotes

Jan: All right, well are you gonna take care of this?
Michael: Yeppers.
Jan: What did I tell you about "yeppers?"
Michael: I don't... remember.
Jan: I told you not to say it. Do you remember that?
Michael: Yeesh...

Michael: I love you, Jan.
Jan: Okay.