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In the end, the greatest snowball isn't a snowball at all...it's fear. Merry Christmas.

If onlys and justs were candies and nuts, then everyday would be un de donkfest!

I will never be happier than I am right now. I will also never be less happy. I will be at my current maximum happiness for the rest of my life, because I am manager of the Scranton Branch of Dunder Mifflin...acting manager.

Dwight: Knock, knock.
Michael: Who's there?
Dwight: KGB.
Michael: KGB - [Dwight slaps Michael]
Dwight: [in Russian accent] We will ask the questions!

I never smile if I can help it. Showing one's teeth is a submission signal in primates. When someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life.

Dwight

Women are like wolves. If you want a wolf, you have to trap it. Snare it. Then to keep it happy, you have to tame it. Feed it, care for it. Lovingly. The way an animal deserves to be loved. And my animal deserves a lot of loving.

Dwight: What is Michael Scott's greatest fear?
Ryan: Loneliness... maybe women.
Dwight: Wrong. Michael Scott isn't afraid of anything. [pause] Also, I would have accepted "snakes."

Jim is my enemy. But it turns out that Jim is also his own worst enemy. And the enemy of my enemy is my friend. So Jim, is actually my friend. But, because he is his own worst enemy, the enemy of my friend is my enemy so actually Jim is my enemy. But-

Owning a building is a war between the landlord and the tenant. Not a literal war, unfortunately, but I am using the same tactics.

Jim: Stop.
Dwight: Too late. If I was the real Scranton Strangler, you'd be so strangled by now. And if you're out there Strangler, you will get caught, by me!

Phyllis: Are you a monk?
Dwight: I'm a Sith lord!!

[after arriving at a dump] This place has gone to hell.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 634 in total

The Office Quotes

In the end, the greatest snowball isn't a snowball at all...it's fear. Merry Christmas.

Dwight

Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.

Michael