If onlys and justs were candies and nuts, then everyday would be un de donkfest!

Dwight: Knock, knock.
Michael: Who's there?
Dwight: KGB.
Michael: KGB - [Dwight slaps Michael]
Dwight: [in Russian accent] We will ask the questions!

In the end, the greatest snowball isn't a snowball at all...it's fear. Merry Christmas.

Dwight: Just as you have planted your seed into the ground, I will plant my seed into you.
Ryan: I don't think you realize what you're saying.

I never smile if I can help it. Showing one's teeth is a submission signal in primates. When someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life.

Dwight

Women are like wolves. If you want a wolf, you have to trap it. Snare it. Then to keep it happy, you have to tame it. Feed it, care for it. Lovingly. The way an animal deserves to be loved. And my animal deserves a lot of loving.

Owning a building is a war between the landlord and the tenant. Not a literal war, unfortunately, but I am using the same tactics.

Jim: You look cute today, Dwight.
Dwight: Thanks, girl.

I've caught Jim talking to himself several times today. What a loser. Get a friend, loser.

Jim: How many buttons do you have?
Dwight: 40...always.

When I die. I want to be frozen. And if they have to freeze me in pieces, so be it. I will wake up stronger than ever, because I will have used that time, to figure out exactly why I died. And what moves I could have used to defend myself better now that I know what hold he had me in.

Phyllis: Are you a monk?
Dwight: I'm a Sith lord!!

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 634 in total

The Office Quotes

I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them.

Andy

Robert: You want a three and a half day weekend for Columbus Day?
Andy: Yes I do.
Robert: And you are aware Columbus and his legions committed genocide against an entire civilization of Native Americans?
Andy: I don't care.

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