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If onlys and justs were candies and nuts, then everyday would be un de donkfest!

Dwight: Knock, knock.
Michael: Who's there?
Dwight: KGB.
Michael: KGB - [Dwight slaps Michael]
Dwight: [in Russian accent] We will ask the questions!

In the end, the greatest snowball isn't a snowball at all...it's fear. Merry Christmas.

Women are like wolves. If you want a wolf, you have to trap it. Snare it. Then to keep it happy, you have to tame it. Feed it, care for it. Lovingly. The way an animal deserves to be loved. And my animal deserves a lot of loving.

I never smile if I can help it. Showing one's teeth is a submission signal in primates. When someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life.

Dwight

Jim is my enemy. But it turns out that Jim is also his own worst enemy. And the enemy of my enemy is my friend. So Jim, is actually my friend. But, because he is his own worst enemy, the enemy of my friend is my enemy so actually Jim is my enemy. But-

Owning a building is a war between the landlord and the tenant. Not a literal war, unfortunately, but I am using the same tactics.

Those who can't farm, farm celery.

Jim: I think it's time for you to bury the hatchet.
Dwight: Waste of a good hatchet.

Where are gay men's vaginas?

Pete: Plop? Still?
Dwight: We owe Andy that much.

You say jump, and he says on who?

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 634 in total

The Office Quotes

I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them.

Andy

Robert: You want a three and a half day weekend for Columbus Day?
Andy: Yes I do.
Robert: And you are aware Columbus and his legions committed genocide against an entire civilization of Native Americans?
Andy: I don't care.

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