Haley: He's gonna ruin my party!
Gloria: Two birds, one bullet.

• Permalink: He's gonna ruin my party! Two birds, one bullet.
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Gloria: We're very different, he's from the city, he has big big business and I come from a small village, very poor but very very beautiful. It is the number one village in all Colombia for all the, what's the word?
Jay: Murders.
Gloria: Yes, the murders

• Permalink: We're very different, he's from the city, he has big big busines...
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Gloria: Is that a leash?
Cam: It's a child safety tether.

• Permalink: Is that a leash? It's a child safety tether.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Yes people are allowed their private thoughts and I shouldn't be so angry, but I'm latin so I get to feel whatever i want.

• Permalink: Yes people are allowed their private thoughts and I shouldn't be so angry, but I'm latin so I...
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Gloria: He thought we were gonna use it all the time, but I keep hitting my boobs with my knees.
Jay: Champagne problems, right?

• Permalink: He thought we were gonna use it all the time, but I keep hitting...
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Gloria: Every culture has their own traditions. For example, in our culture, the Baby Jesus is the one that brings the presents, not the Santa Claus.
Jay: That's doesn't make sense. How could a new born baby carry all those presents? They don't even know where their hands are.
Manny: At least a baby could fit through a chimney.
Jay: How could you sit on the Baby Jesus' lap? You'd squish him.

• Permalink: Every culture has their own traditions. For example, in our cul...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Gloria: Men need their hobbies. Manny's father had many hobbies like hiking in the desert, that kind of skiing where they drop you from the, how do you say in English? [Makes helicopter sounds]
Jay: Helicopter.
Gloria: Yes. Once on a dare, he even boxed with an alligator.
Jay: Wrestle, you wrestle... you can't box with alligators.
Gloria: You sure?
Jay: How would they get the gloves on their little claws?
Gloria: Aren't they like tiny little hands?
Jay: No! Okay, now I forgot what we were talking about.
Gloria: Anyways, hobbies are important for the men. Whether you're risking your life, or flying little planes from a safe distance

• Permalink: Men need their hobbies. Manny's father had many hobbies like hik...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Are you happy? You have reduced me to a person who eats a shoe.

• Permalink: Are you happy? You have reduced me to a person who eats a shoe.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Gloria: So take back your sword and go fight this sword like a bull!
Manny: Okay.
Gloria: I can't hear you.
Manny: Okay!
Jay: I can't hear you!
Manny: That's really as loud as I can go.

• Permalink: So take back your sword and go fight this sword like a bull! O...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Gloria: Lily! When something awful happens, you're going to be mine!
Mitchell: It really is an "if" situation...
Gloria: All mine!

• Permalink: Lily! When something awful happens, you're going to be mine! I...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

He scared the baby cheeses out of me!

• Permalink: He scared the baby cheeses out of me!
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Gloria [about Manny]: It's good, he keeps us grounded
Jay: Like a fog at a airport

• Permalink: It's good, he keeps us grounded Like a fog at a airport
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0