Luke: Move!
Haley: You have plenty of room!
Luke: No, move out. You're 40!

Wait is fire weather?

Haley: I was conceived at a Duran Duran concert?!
Alex: Classy start to a classy life.

I'm not spending any more time under fluorescent lighting than I have to.

That's a library? I thought it was a church for a religion that didn't allow makeup.

Haley: Lily what did I just say?
Lily: I don't know, something about shoes probably.

This country's number one export is hot surfers. I'm not gonna buy the first one I see, I'm still browsing.

I've been lonely. Having a mirror in my room will be like having company.

Haley: Oh my God I'm missing a text.
Alex: It just got real didn't it?

Haley: That's the old salvage yard where kids go to get high.
Claire: What? We are going there right now!
Phil: Wait, wait are you sure?
Haley: I'm gonna answer and then I'm gonna walk away, deal? I'm 420% sure.
Phil: Wow, she's bad at math.

Look, I have no problem drinking. I can literally do it standing on my head. But A ,not with my parents. Plus also I needed to stay sharp because they were obviously up to something and I was in no mood. I barely got 10 hours of sleep last night.

Phil: He seems like a real go-getter huh?
Haley: Why cause he goes and gets things?

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

You're like a mob wife. You complain about what I do, but have no problem wearing the fur that fell off the back of the truck.

Mitchell