Luke: Move!
Haley: You have plenty of room!
Luke: No, move out. You're 40!

Wait is fire weather?

Haley: I was conceived at a Duran Duran concert?!
Alex: Classy start to a classy life.

I'm not spending any more time under fluorescent lighting than I have to.

That's a library? I thought it was a church for a religion that didn't allow makeup.

Haley: Lily what did I just say?
Lily: I don't know, something about shoes probably.

This country's number one export is hot surfers. I'm not gonna buy the first one I see, I'm still browsing.

I've been lonely. Having a mirror in my room will be like having company.

Haley: Oh my God I'm missing a text.
Alex: It just got real didn't it?

Haley: That's the old salvage yard where kids go to get high.
Claire: What? We are going there right now!
Phil: Wait, wait are you sure?
Haley: I'm gonna answer and then I'm gonna walk away, deal? I'm 420% sure.
Phil: Wow, she's bad at math.

Look, I have no problem drinking. I can literally do it standing on my head. But A ,not with my parents. Plus also I needed to stay sharp because they were obviously up to something and I was in no mood. I barely got 10 hours of sleep last night.

Phil: He seems like a real go-getter huh?
Haley: Why cause he goes and gets things?

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

You're the last person who should give me anything. You got me here. You got me to graduation, to Cal tech. You did it. You're done.

Alex