When I wake up in my own room tomorrow I’ll be giving thanks for my independence and isn’t that what Christmas is all about?

Haley: You’re like that guy from the movie who wishes he was never born.
Alex: It’s a Wonderful Life.
Haley: You say that but do you mean it?

Haley: I’m Alex, who are you?
Andy: I’m their manny.
Haley: Nice try, I know their Manny and you look nothing like him.
Andy: Ohhh, you’re Haley.

You're hair looks amazing, like you just got off a horse.

Alex: Ok, that's it Grandpa's cheating.
Haley: On Gloria? How could he possibly do better?

Haley: Shouldn't she be playing Words with Friends with friends?
Alex: Grandpa is my friend.
Haley: Of course he is. That's not sad

Haley: Look I need more sleep than you and ever since they cut down that stupid prune tree the sun has been right in my eyes every morning.
Alex: It's not a prune tree, they pruned the tree.

Alex: It's junior year, I have to get good grades. Don't you know how competitive it is out there? Stop pressuring me!
Haley: You know, this is what happens to kids when they're not sexually active.

Alex: She said I was just like her.
Haley: Was she weirdly competitive

Haley: Oh yeah she can wear whatever she wants after I've had it for six months.
Alex: Or I get it automatically if you buy anything that looks like it.

Phil: How low can you go?
Haley: I'm at a roller rink with my family on a Saturday night. I win!

Haley: Okay so after a quick scan of his facebook, twitter, tumblr, pinterest and instagram, this is what I know.
Luke: Privacy is dead?

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

Claire: My mom started drinking these cocktails called "horny Colombians" with some of Gloria's uncles, whom apparently the drink was named after
Phil: Oh come, they were funny
Claire: They kept grabbing my butt
Phil: Somebody is full of herself. It's a Colombian wedding tradition.. they said