It's probably like his asshole wearing a friendship bracelet.

I just want someone who wants to hang out all the time, thinks I'm the best person in the world, and wants to have sex with only me.

Okay I don't wanna split hairs here, but it's not a journal, it's a notebook. It's notes for a book.

I think journal implies a 13 year old girl who rides horses, and is obsessed with her mom and it's not what I'm doing.

Hey Marnie, if you had read the essay and it wasn't about you, do you think would've liked it?

Marnie: What are you like in love with him?
Ray: More than you are!

I'm letting you know that it is okay to act on this fantasy because I am gross and so are you.

I didn't lose my job, I gave it away.

I have been dating someone who treats my heart like it's monkey meat. I feel like a delusional, invisible person half the time so I need to learn what it's like to be treated well before it's too late for me.

You are from New York, therefore you are just naturally interesting.

Why is everyone struggling in New York? Why don't we all just move here and start the revolution?

I probably should've guessed it because he only ejaculated about 30 percent of the time.

Girls Quotes

Ok I think I got everything, testicles, spectacles, wallet, and watch.

Hannah

Jessa: It's pot, do you want some?
Shoshanna: Oh no, I'm hyper enough already.