Last time I got drunk I ate all this brie and threw up on my cell phone.

Hannah: Okay that's Adam
Jessa: He does sort of look like the original man.

Adam: Could you fly?
Hannah: No I couldn't fly, but I didn't have ears that big.

She did everything right, including getting her boyfriend to kill himself.

Marnie: She captured something really true about the uncertainty of being our age. I cried twice.
Hannah: Well are you getting your period?

Hannah: You don't have a plan.
Marnie: I think maybe that's a good thing for me.

I should probably wait until he's capable of wiping himself.

I'm an individual and I feel how I feel when I feel it.

I know I always said he was murdery in a sexy way, but maybe he's murdery in a murder way.

That is space rape.

Why don't you lay this thing down, flip it, and reverse it because I don't think it's very nice.

I probably should've guessed it because he only ejaculated about 30 percent of the time.

Girls Quotes

Ok I think I got everything, testicles, spectacles, wallet, and watch.

Hannah

Jessa: It's pot, do you want some?
Shoshanna: Oh no, I'm hyper enough already.