The Simpsons

Helen Lovejoy Quotes (Page 3)

Bart: Hello, my name's Dimitri. I'm a first-time caller, long-time listener. My question is, if a son defies his father and chooses a career that makes millions of children happy; shouldn't the father forgive the son?
Rev. Lovejoy: I think so.
Msgr. D: Yes, of course.
Rabbi Krustofsky: No way! Absolutely not! Never, never! Who screens these calls? Who's in charge here? There's nobody in charge? They leave a building without people watching it...
 • Rating: Unrated

Reverend Lovejoy: Ned, Maude, what brings you here?
Ned: Well... sometimes God bless her, she underlines passages in my bible because she can't find hers!
Homer: Oh, lucky you don't keep guns in the house.
Reverend Lovejoy: Homer, why are you here?
Homer: Oh, because I got drunk and looked down her dress!
 • Rating: Unrated

Lovejoy: Come on Homer what are her faults?
Homer: Well sometimes she can be annoying!
Marge: Oh Homer.
Lovejoy: Now Marge, don't interrupt, you'll get your turn.
Homer: I'm done.
Lovejoy: Okay, Marge.
Marge: Well its not that I don't love the guy, I'm always sticking up for him, it's just that he's so self-centered. He forgets birthdays, anniversaries, holidays. He chews with his mouth open, he gambles, he hangs out at a seedy bar with bums and low lifes.
Homer: Oh it's true!
Lovejoy: Homer don't interrupt.
Marge: He blows his nose on the towels and then puts them back in the middle!
Homer: I only did that a couple of times!
 • Rating: Unrated

(Helen Lovejoy and Maude Flanders arrive at Marge's doorstep)
Helen: Get dressed, Marge. You've got to lead our protest against this abomination! (Shows Marge a newspaper with the Statue of David on the cover)
Marge: Hmm, but that's Michelangelo's David. It's a masterpiece.
Helen: (Gasps) It's filth! It graphically portrays parts of the human body which, practical as they may be, are evil.
Marge: But I like that statue.
Maude: (Gasps) I told you she was soft on full frontal nudity.
 • Rating: Unrated

(Using the phone, Ned Flanders seeks some counsel in the middle of the night.)
Ned: Hello, Reverend Lovejoy?
Helen Lovejoy: (Yawns) No. This is Mrs. Lovejoy. (Sighs) Just a minute. (Covers the phone) Honey. Honey, wake up. It sounds like Ned Flanders is having some sort of crisis.
Reverend Lovejoy: (Groans) Probably stepped on a worm.
 • Rating: Unrated

Helen: Marge? Marge Simpson. You remember me, don't you? I'm Helen Lovejoy, the gossipy wife of the minister.
Marge: Oh, yes. Hello, Helen.
Helen: Well, I had just finished eating and was about to leave, when I looked over this way and said to myself, "Why, isn't that Marge Simpson over there, having brunch with a man who isn't her husband?" (Chuckles) And I just had to come over and say hello.
Marge: We're, um--
Helen: Oh, don't squirm on my account.
 • Rating: Unrated

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