But it's not on the calendar? Okay, but if I'm sleepy at work tomorrow I get to tell everyone why.

Oh God gets your prayers, but he just clicks delete without reading them, like email updates from LinkedIn.

Princess Kemi: So, all these concubines belong to this one tyrant?
Homer: It's called The Bachelor.

Homer: She's gone!
Moe: And she trashed my bar! Oh no, wait, she actually cleaned up a little bit. Good for her.

They say you catch more flies with honey, I say with fly traps.

Mr. Burns

The only reason you haven't been fired is because your file here has been holding up a sofa that was missing a leg.

Moe

Look Moe the least you can let me do is anything I want.

Homer: Marge I believe you're forgetting America's greatest wartime wheelchair-bound leader, Professor X of the X-Men.
Marge: It's not that Professor X wouldn't get up, it's that he couldn't!

Marge, you're my wife of ten years and I love you, but I must observe the teachings of this man I just met tonight. Now the first thing I have to do is make amends with the bathroom scale.

I have so many questions for you. First of all, is this floor reinforced?

Bart: Thinking back, I'm kinda surprised mom and dad let a crazy man spend all night in my bedroom.
Homer: Simpler times.

Between your genius and my nothing we make a great team, come on give me a hug!

The Simpsons Quotes

Lincoln, Lincoln. I've been thinkin'. What the hell have you've been drinkin'? Is it water? Is it wine? Oh, my gosh. It's turpentine!

Bart & Lisa

Yep, here's your problem. Someone set this thing to "Evil."

Repairman