Raj: Oh, oh, what about the tubby girl in the Sailor Moon costume at Comic-Con?
Howard: Don't remember. Please sit down.
Raj: The only threesome I've ever had in my whole life and I'm proud to say it was with this man right here.
[All laughing]
Raj: Oh, oh, don't get me wrong, nothing happened with me and Howard. There was about 200 lbs of Sailor Moon between us.
Wil [recording on his phone]: Oh, Internet, this is so going all over you.
Sheldon: Jeepers, I'm drunk.

Howard: No ... about my job. I want you to tell me I'm good at what I do.
Sheldon: You're obviously good at what you do.
Howard: Well, then why are you always ripping on me?
Sheldon: Oh, I understand the confusion. I have never said that you are not good at what you do, it's just that what you do is not worth doing.

Bernadette: You're being mean to him.
Howard: He's mean to me all the time. You've heard him tease me about not having a doctorate.
Bernadette: If you don't want to get teased about that, get a doctorate. I have one; they're great.

Sheldon: That's a lot of belt buckles.
Howard: Funny thing is, I only have one belt.

Howard: Let me try gangsta: Hells naw.

Howard: Sheldon, you are a condesending jerk. Why on earth would I want to do something nice for you?
Sheldon: Um ... to go to Jewish heaven?
Howard: Jews don't have heaven.
Sheldon: Then to avoid Jewish hell?
Howard: Have you met my mother? I live in Jewish hell.

Howard: So, I got the craziest email this morning.
Raj: I hate to burst your bubble, dude, but those penile enlargement pills do not work.
Howard: Believe me I know.

Raj: Oh, my goodness. Aren't you the cutest little Yorkie ever! You got him for me?
Howard: Her. We thought you two would hit it off.
Raj: I think we already have.

Sorry, Stallion. You're weird friend, Giraffe, is here.

Penny

Howard: Now, I downloaded an app that might be helpful in this situation.
[whip cracks]
Sheldon: You're right. I'm smart as a whip. I should be able to figure this out.

Look, if you don't want to go to the party, just don't go. You're a grown man. Act like one. Tell Amy you want to spend the weekend having a sleepover and playing video games with your friends!

Leonard: We'll miss you Sheldon.
Sheldon: Yeah, well, who wants to spend the whole weekend, running around a bunch of pretend planets, battling made up monsters? That's for babies.
Howard: Yeah, but it's got lightsabers.
Sheldon: Please, Amy! It's got lightsabers!

TBBT Quotes

Penny: Hey, Sheldon, did you change your Wi-Fi password again?
Sheldon: Yes, it's "Penny, get your own Wi-Fi." No spaces.

Sheldon: Why do you have the Chinese character for "soup" tattooed on your right buttock?
Penny: It's not "soup," it's "courage."
Sheldon: No it isn't. But I suppose it does take courage to demonstrate that kind of commitment to soup.
Penny: How'd you see it? You said you wouldn't look.
Sheldon: Sorry. As I told you, the hero always peeks.