Bernadette: Are those Russian rockets safe?
Howard: Well, I mean, safe as it can be when it was build by the good folks who brought you Chernobyl.

Raj: Whatever, dude. She kissed me.
Howard: It might've been on your lips but it was my kiss.
Raj: Oh, fine, let's agree she kissed both of us.
Howard: Okay.

Raj: Okay, I'm going to play it cool. Tell her, "Maybe. Whatever, babe."
Howard [translating in sign language to Emily]: He'll text you.

Leonard: See, this is the good thing about having a girlfriend 9,000 miles away I can spend my nights doing whatever I want.
Howard: You mean playing nerd games with us and then taking a suspiciously long shower?
Leonard: Maybe.

Howard: Can you believe grown men sit around and play with toy trains?
Bernadette: That's pretty big talk for a man with a closet full of magic tricks at his mother's house.

Howard: This may be hard for you to hear, but when I say "honey," I mean my fiancee.
Raj [whispers into Howard's ear]
Howard: Yeah, well, now it means her.

Bernadette: I'm not going to live with your mother. Not now. Not ever.
Howard: Somebody, obviously, has some mommy issues.

Bernadette: I was head-hunted by a big pharmaceutical company. They're going to pay me a buttload of money!!
Leonard: Bernadette, that's great!! Howard, do YOU make a buttload?
Howard: Better than what YOU got a buttload of!

....I volunteered for the premature ejaculation project. I mean, it's not like either one of us has heart disease.

Bernadette to Howard

Howard: You gotta like this. The girlfriend, the ex-girlfriend bonding over your rooty-tooty stinky booty.
Leonard: Kill me.
Sheldon: It wouldn't help. The human body is capable of being flatulent for hours after death.

Howard: You gotta like this: the girlfriend.....the ex-girlfriend, bonding over your rooty-tooty stinky booty?
(all but Leonard laugh)
Leonard: Kill me!
Sheldon: It wouldn't help. The human body is capable of being flatulent for hours after death.

Whereas Jewish mothers take a casual la-dee-dah approach to their sons.

TBBT Quotes

Amy, I excel at many things, but getting over you wasn't one of them.


(Singing) Thor and Dr Jones, Thor and Dr. Jones. One plays with lightening, the other plays with bones.

Howard and Raj