Sheldon: I didn't want to teach those poopy heads anyway!
Howard: FYI I think that's what Darth Vader said just before he started building the Death Star.

Leonard: How do you get an entire lecture hall to flip you off at the same time?
Howard: Apparently if you're Sheldon all you have to do is turn your back.

Howard: Oh I'm not hot enough for Angelina Jolie?
Raj: I'd like to weigh in here: No.

Nobody cares about your Kegel exercises.

Raj: Last night I had a dream we got so rich from the app, you and I bought matching side by side mansions. But there was a secret tunnel connecting your front yard to my back yard. What do you think that means?
Howard: It means that after we play handball I'm showering at home.

Wolowitz: He got bit by a radioactive rat.
Raj: Did he get superpowers?
Wolotiz: No, he got five stitches and a tetanus shot.

Bernadette: So we just sit here and stare at a screen and wait for something to happen?
Wolowitz: I did it with you when we watched The Notebook.

Wolowitz: What kind of spaceship has a hole in the middle?
Raj: A Romulan battle bagel?

Indian Monopoly is just like regular Monopoly, but instead of money you use rupees, instead of building hotels you build call centers, and when you pick a chance card there's a chance you die of dysentery. And just FYI, that was racist.

I'm guessing 21 seconds had something to do with that, too.

Wolowitz: You love that spot.
Sheldon: No, I love my mother. My feelings for my spot are much greater. It is the singular location in space around which revolves my entire universe. And now it's yours.

I just wanna put it out there in case I inadvertently squirt any pheromones in your direction.

TBBT Quotes

Raj: Well, to paraphrase Shakespeare: It's better to have loved and lost than to stay home every night and download increasingly shameful pornography.
Penny: Oh... you poor baby.
Raj: What's wrong with me, Penny?
Penny: Nothing, nothing. You know, if we weren't friends - and you hadn't brought up that creepy pornography story - I'd be on you like the speed of light squared on matter to make energy.
Raj: Hey, you totally got that right. E = MC squared.
Penny: I listen. I have no idea what it means, but I listen.

Sheldon: I recently read that during World War Two, Joseph Stalin had a research program to create supersoldiers by having women impregnated by gorillas.
Howard: What a sick use of science.
Raj: Hey, as long as the baby's healthy.
Amy: I wonder if Stalin considered any other animals.
Leonard: Hippos are the deadliest creature. A half-human, half-hippo soldier would be pretty badass.
Howard: Yes, but when they're hungry-hungry, you can stop them with marbles.
Sheldon: Yeah, the correct animal for interspecies supersolider is koala. You would wind up with an army so cute it couldn't be attacked.