Wolowitz: Oh, more details about the new Star Trek film. There's going to be a scene depicting Spock's birth.
Raj: I'd be more interested in a scene depicting Spock's conception.
Sheldon: Oh, please. For Vulcans, mating—or if you will, pon farr—it's an extremely private matter.
Leonard: Still, I'd like to know the details. His mother was human; his father was Vulcan. They couldn't just conceive.
Wolowitz: Maybe they had to go to a clinic. Can you imagine Spock's dad in a little room with a copy of Pointy Ears and Shapely Rears?

Sheldon: I notice you're using titanium. Did you give any consideration to carbon nanotubes? They're lighter, cheaper, and have twice the tensile strength.
Wolowitz: Sheldon, there is a diploma in my office that says I have a masters in engineering.
Sheldon: And you also have a note from your mother that says, "I love you, bubulah," but neither of those is a cogent argument for titanium over nanotubes

Sheldon: 15 years old. Dennis Kim is 15 years old and he's already correcting my work. Today I went from being Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart to—you know—that other guy.
Wolowitz: Antonio Salieri.
Sheldon: Oh, God, now even you're smarter than me.

Raj: We need a social catalyst.
Leonard: Like what? We can't get 15-year-old girls drunk.
Wolowitz: Or can we...!?

Wolowitz: We need a hot 15-year-old Asian girl with a thing for smart guys.
Penny: What?
Leonard: Howard, that's racist. Any fifteen year old girl will do the trick

Wolowitz: I just checked the house. There's probably 20, 25 people in there.
Leonard: You're kidding!
Penny: Is that all?
Leonard: "All?" In particle physics, 25 is Woodstock.

Leonard: Look at the bright side. [Lalita] might turn out to be a nice, beautiful girl.
Raj: Great, then we'll get married, I won't be able to talk to her, and we'll spend the rest of our lives in total silence.
Wolowitz: Worked for my parents

Is it just me, or does webchatting with your clothes on seem a little pointless?

Penny [to Raj about Lalita]: No one can make you get married. Why don't you just meet this girl and see what happens?
Raj: Haven't you been listening to me? I cannot talk to women!
Leonard: Um, Raj?
Wolowitz: No, no, let's see how long it takes him

Leonard: Can't you see that she's using you?
Wolowitz: Who cares? Last night she pulled off her blouse and I wept.
Penny: Look, Howard, I know her, okay. She'll sleep with anyone as long as they keep buying her things.
Wolowitz: Really?
Penny: Yeah.
Wolowitz: Yay

Wolowitz: Oh, by the way, where did you get that loofah mitt? Yours reaches places that mine just won't?
Penny: You used my loofah?
Wolowitz: More precisely, we used your loofah. I exfoliated her brains out!

Check out the sexy nurse. I believe it's time for me to turn my head and cough

TBBT Quotes

Mrs. Cooper: Shelly! I'm so glad you're here!
Sheldon: I saw you having naked sex.

Penny: I give up, he's impossible
Sheldon: I can't be impossible, I exist. I believe what you meant to say is, "I give up, he's improbable."