Howard: Last time I was here, I was a scrawny little nerd.
Leonard: And, now, you're also an astronaut.

Come on. If I was any good at convincing women to do stuff, I wouldn't have spent so much of my 20s in the shower.

Thanks for ruining lobster for me.

I mean ... we can have a pants party. Go put some on.

She hid my Xbox like I'm a child. And, my mom got me that for my birthday so if you don't give it back, I'm telling.

Howard: A micro-valentine for a microbiologist.
Leonard: From her micro-husband.

Howard: Honestly, if I could bend that far what would I need with you.
Bernadette: If you could bend that far, you'd be doing both of us a favor.

If you don't leave now, she'll use food and guilt to keep you there the rest of your life.

Raj: I didn't know you can have a cyst inside a cyst.
Mrs. Wolowitz: The doctor said they were like Russian nesting dolls.

Howard: They spent a ton of money developing this dandruff medication that had the horrible side effect of anal leakage.
Raj: Is there a good anal leakage?

Raj: Aren't you gonna to eat lunch?
Howard: Nah, I blew my food allowance on Pokemon cards?

Bernadette: No, here's how love works. You're gonna return the machine or you can print out a working set of lady parts and sleep with those.
Howard: [pondering]
Bernadette: Oh, my God! Are you actually thinking about it?

TBBT Quotes

Leonard: Hi. I'm Leonard. You are beautiful. You pop, sparkle and buzz electric. I'm going to pick you up at eight, show you a night you will never forget.
Raj: Where are we going?

Penny, there's only one cookie with something in the middle that solves life's problems, and that's an Oreo. Or a Nutter Butter, if you're in a pinch.

Sheldon