Penny: You lied to him?
Jane: Ok I did not know he was going to come in like he just shot the sheriff.

Lamenation Jane? Why don't you just cover it in glitter you cheap whore.

Hey Max think I could bum some cereal? Haven't had a carb in four years, feeling nostalgic.

All you're doing is altering his perception of reality. It's the Kerkovich Way.

Alex: You gave me a serious addiction to candy cigarettes.
Jane: You broke my Bob Dole action figure.

Ugh actors are the worst.

Winners win and losers lose and alcoholics they just booze. They win at drinking, that's their thing but our thing's just winning. We're Brad and Jane let's start the game. Sup suckas?

Brad/Jane

Penny: Ever since she's been hanging out with Avi's crew all she eats is pills and powders.
Jane: Sounds like my Vegas diet.

What she did was a strong move by a strong woman. She's basically Mary J. Blige.

You're right. I don't have to be in charge, even though it's better when I am.

Max: What are all those red arrows for?
Jane: Oh, those are all the areas that need improvements.
Max: But those are all of them.
Jane: Yeah, you've got lots of bad areas. You're like the Oakland of gay guys.

Max you look like John McEnroe's fat cousin, John Mac n Cheese.

Happy Endings Quotes

You're sweating on my bruschetta.

Jane [to Brad]

The weird part is, now that I have a guy, everybody wants to set me up. Oh I know Al! I should hook you up with one of my "extras."

Penny