Modern Family
Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABCPopular Jay Pritchett Quotes
Gloria: So take back your sword and go fight this sword like a bull!
Manny: Okay.
Gloria: I can't hear you.
Manny: Okay!
Jay: I can't hear you!
Manny: That's really as loud as I can go.
Gloria [about Haley]: When I was her age I loved my grandfather, but I still wanted to be with boys.
Jay: I know, so did Claire.. and Mitchell.
Haley: This is kind of an important party.
Jay: The last thing you to do is insult someone when they invite you.
Haley: Exactly.
[Jay walks out]
Haley: OMG. That was so easy.
Alex: You really don't understand what just happened, do you?
Here's the deal. Girls don't go for all that romantic stuff. They go for power and success. And since you don't have either one of those things, you're gonna be the funny guy.
Manny: In Colombia, they open presents at midnight and stay up til morning.
Jay: I'm sure they do, but if you notice from the absence of goats in the streets, we're not in Colombia.
[Jay and Manny watching Miracle on 34th Street]
Manny: Are you crying?
Jay: What are you, a robot? It's a deeply emotional movie.
Gloria: Every culture has their own traditions. For example, in our culture, the Baby Jesus is the one that brings the presents, not the Santa Claus.
Jay: That's doesn't make sense. How could a new born baby carry all those presents? They don't even know where their hands are.
Manny: At least a baby could fit through a chimney.
Jay: How could you sit on the Baby Jesus' lap? You'd squish him.
Mitchell: Still keeping traditions alive, huh?
Jay: Someone has to. I got two Colombians as home trying to turn Christmas into Cinco de Mayo.
Mitchell: You know that's Mexican right?
Jay: Ahh. Burrito, burr-righto.
I could be sitting grill-side watching a guy build an onion volcano. Instead, I got Rico Suave in my kitchen.
We're both with people different from us, and that's gonna create stuff. But you want different.
I could be a chump, do the usual, give the money back to the casino. Or I could do something for myself and get something from the casino store.
If you put on a puffy, white shirt and declare your love for a 16-year-old, you're gonna be swinging from a flagpole in your puffy, white underpants
