Favorite J.D. Quotes
J.D.: Holy inferiority complex Batman! How low is my self esteem that I'm the sidekick in my own fantasy?
Turk: It could be worse. You could be Alfred the butler.
J.D.: Damn you, sir
J.D.: We found you in the park throwing rocks at old couples...
Ted: Why should they be happy!?
Turk: Dude, the only difference between a black girl and a white girl is that when a black girl asks you if her ass looks big?
J.D.: Uh-huh?
Turk: You say, "Hell yeah!"
J.D.: You're dangerous aren't you?
Drew: Yes I am.
J.D.: I bet you listen to rap music.
J.D.: My man Turk, is getting it daily and nightly and ever so rightly! Ah! What up, dogg!
J.D.'s narration: Once every 4.2 seconds a man says something stupid that a woman hears and punishes him for... luckily, this wasn't one of those times.
Carla: What did you just say?
J.D.: "What up...dogg?"
J.D.'s narration: A wise man once said the human spirit can overcome any obstacle.
J.D.: I can't.
Elliot: Come on!
J.D.'s narration: That man had obviously never run a triathlon.
I think the easiest way to lose something is to want it too badly.
Sunny: Oh, he's finally gone. Talk about making a big deal over nothing, you know? I mean, Dr. Dorian was fine, but he was no better than any other doctor.
Dr. Cox: For the record, he was the best that ever came through this dump. John Dorian was the first and only doctor I ever met who cared as much as I do. And you can forget about him being a just and exceptional physician, because the fact of the matter is, he's a damn exceptional person. It's why people gravitated to him. It's why I did. He was my friend.
J.D. [appears from behind Cox]: Thank you, God. That - was - beautiful.
Dr. Cox: Oh, God, no.
J.D.: It's okay, Perry, you just said how you feel! Honestly, I am so full of your love right now, I literally could not take another drop. Brace yourself, I'm coming in.
[J.D. hugs Dr. Cox]
J.D.: You smell like a father figure.
Dr. Cox: Oh! Please stop.
J.D.: Mmmmmm...
J.D.: You need to hire a few more nurses
Cox: Look, Tammy, we don't have the money. If you want to go out and raise the cash yourself, feel free. Maybe you can sell your eggs to a fertility clinic. Or sell that beard of yours to a ridiculousness museum. Or better yet make a list of all the people that you drive insane and tell them for a nominal fee you'll never speak to them again. You, of course, offer them a monthly subscription at a reduced rate just to reel them in. And then after awhile of you not talking to you they'll forget just how annoying you are and they'll let their subscription run up and then bang.. that's when you show up at their house and you drive them insane all over again by speaking to them. And here's the kicker, when everyone's trying to resubscribe.. you lay it on them that the price is now quadruple. I'm predicting, and this is a low end guesstimate, you're looking at about a hundred million dollars a quarter
I grew up on the street. No, not the hood, the Sesame Street
Denise: You called me Joe?
J.D.: Do you not like that as a new nickname?
Denise: Just a little butch, I like banging dudes.. so...
J.D: I heard that's nice
Jake: He spelled "attorney" wrong.
J.D.(reads post-it): "Buy Groceries. Kill Self."
