Favorite J.D. Quotes
J.D.: Hey, I'm glad I found you. I need your approval to cut down some lollipop trees outside the sea monkey hut
Denise: What are you talking about?
J.D.: These decisions have to go through you because you're the mayor of crazy town
Mickey: (running around like an airplane) I'm a pretty airplane! Board me.
Murray: He's a little off...
J.D.: He smells like fuel.
Murray: He's an airplane.
Once when we were dating, Elliot asked me to urinate on her!
Dr. Cox: Now where is your camera? Aren't, aren't you going to take some pictures?
J.D.: Pictures of what?
Dr. Cox: You know. Crying babies. Covered in chocolate. People singing happy birthday to my son, who've never even met him before. You know, the whole routine.
J.D.: Where do you think we are?
J.D.: ...And now, Mr. Mueller's doing so much better, I'm not even sure telling him the truth about his pancreatic cancer is even the best thing for him.
Dr. Cox: So, what you're saying is that you have a problem that is totally your problem, but you'd like to find a way to make that problem my problem. But here's the problem, Newbie: it's not my problem. So whatta you say we stop talking about the Janitor's junk; I'd like to hear nahsing about ze German; and don't even mention Tasty Coma Wife, even though I know she's on your mind.
J.D.: You wanna know what the janitor did today?
Danni/Carla: No!
Carla: Bambi, you idiot.
Turk: Who behaves that way at a mini mart?
J.D.: I'm sorry Turk, but when I put that single beer down on the counter and that 18-year-old checkout kid is like, "Oh, big night?" it just pissed me off, you know. I mean, who is he to judge us? He needs to know we're not two lame-o's with nothing going on.
Turk: So that's why you bought the box of condoms and the flare gun.
J.D.: Exactly. Now whenever he thinks of us he'll picture us splitting a beer, sexing up the ladies, and shooting off flares. You know, like men do!
Turk: That does sound pretty awesome.
J.D.: I knew you'd come around.
J.D.: So, yo, could I ask you a question?
Turk: Yeah.
J.D.: Why are we lying in the parking lot?
Turk: Your hook-shot knocked you unconscious, so I lied down next to you so everyone would just think we were chillin'.
J.D.: Oh, thanks SCB!
Dr. Cox: Newbie, I always punch the tabs out of my tapes so there's no possible way they can be recorded over, so pa-lease tell you didn't use the tape that was already in the camera.
J.D.: Banana hammock.
Dr. Cox: So another words, there is no permanent historical record of the birth of my friend's baby?
J.D.: Well, you know, I think that the baby itself would serve as proof that, you know, born.
Dr. Cox: You don't understand what you've done. My ex-wife is probably going to hold this over my head so long that I doubt I'll ever see the sun again, and I liked the sun newbie. It make me hopeful.
J.D.: Well I was there so, you know, I could certainly jot down some of my feelings and impressions
J.D.: What do you say we change the tone a little bit and both say something nice about each other? I'll go first. Look at you. There's no way around it, you're a beautiful man
Sean: Thank you, J.D.
J.D.: Now you go
Sean: I never agreed to that
J.D.: Beautiful son of a bitch
Elliot: Sorry I'm late.
Todd: Hey, Elliot. Is it greasy outside?
J.D.: Oh, that is so stupid. Elliot, you look... smart.
Dr. Cox: Hello?
Elliot: Of course I'm smart - I'm a doctor!
Doug: "What's up, doc?" I just got it!
J.D.: Maybe that's why Danni wants to break up with me, she thinks I'm too smart!
Todd: You're dating a guy named Danny? Is he hot?
J.D. [about Cole's mother]: You're gonna hit that, aren't you?
Kelso: Like a big rig with no breaks.
