Popular J.D. Quotes
Ah, checking Mr. Countertop's heart rate. (Slams a pack of paper on the countertop, hurting Keith's ears) Memories. Do you know that once, Dr. Cox made me give every air conditioning unit in this hospital a pap smear? The wacky thing is room 403 did have some yeast issues.
</i> J.D.
(to his interns) Kick some ass today, guys! Except for Mr. Woodsen in 302.. he's got a rectal tear!
Daisy: Here's your shirt, Dr. Reid.
Elliot: Wow, Daisy! Enjoy your weekend, you little scrapper!
J.D.: Oh, Daisy, I'm supposed to ask you - can Lonnie have his lower lip back?
Daisy: It's my trophy.
Elliot: She's a drama queen, J.D.! When her husband was in a coma, it was all, like, taboo and exciting; but now that it's okay for the two of you to be together, the relationship's got no snap... it's got no crackle. J.D... It's got no pop. I know! Because I'm a drama queen, too!
J.D.: Well, Jamie is not like you, okay?
Elliot: No Pop!
Dr. Cox: Now where is your camera? Aren't, aren't you going to take some pictures?
J.D.: Pictures of what?
Dr. Cox: You know. Crying babies. Covered in chocolate. People singing happy birthday to my son, who've never even met him before. You know, the whole routine.
J.D.: Where do you think we are?
J.D.: Dr. Cox? I could use a little help.
Dr. Cox: Beyoncé, you could use a lot of help. But, hey, we all have to play the hand the Big Guy dealt us. You know, unless you're lucky enough to have those insanely over-hyped 'Queer Eye' guys show up at your door, but I doubt even they have the brass ones necessary to fix whatever the hell this is.
J.D.: Yeah, if you wanna use the appearance angle to knock down my self-esteem, best to do it on a day when my hair doesn't look awesome! I know - it's new wax.
J.D.: ...And now, Mr. Mueller's doing so much better, I'm not even sure telling him the truth about his pancreatic cancer is even the best thing for him.
Dr. Cox: So, what you're saying is that you have a problem that is totally your problem, but you'd like to find a way to make that problem my problem. But here's the problem, Newbie: it's not my problem. So whatta you say we stop talking about the Janitor's junk; I'd like to hear nahsing about ze German; and don't even mention Tasty Coma Wife, even though I know she's on your mind.
J.D. [about Turk]: You know if I was married to him I'd be a lot more supportive
Carla: You know you said that out loud, right?
J.D.: I'm not ashamed of who I am!
J.D.: Dr. Cox; I got, uh, Will's CT results back. No cancer! So, uh, what should I tell him?
Dr. Cox: I'd open with that
J.D.: That was good, Kevin! We should-we should make him, like, make dinner for us tonight. He could be our own personal slave!
Kevin: Our own personal what, now?
J.D.: Oh, no, I don-I don't mean like that kind of slave.
Kevin: Well, how 'bout this: How 'bout he be the house slave, and I be the field slave. That sound like fun to you?
J.D.: That-that wouldn't be fun...
Turk: What's going on?
Kevin: I forgot how much fun it was messing with Alfalfa!
J.D.: Carla, at 6:41 tomorrow evening, I turn thirty. I have to find one thing on this list I can do by then.
Dr. Cox: Maybe you could swing by our parts department and pick up a pair of testes?
J.D.: Haven't you used that joke like a trillion times?
Dr. Cox: I'm okay with it.
Guy: So, what do you do?
Elliot: Oh, I work at a hospital. I'm a resident, which is actually still kind of like a student. Well, not a student as in, like, dorm rooms and pizza runs and crazy, drunken kissing parties - which I know for a fact still go on in Radiology - but more of a student in the sense that-
J.D.: Excuse me. Dude, she's got a boyfriend.
Guy: Thanks, man.
