Popular J.D. Quotes
J.D.: Hey Dan, if dad were here, what would you say to him?
Dan: (Belches)
J.D.: I think he'd be glad to hear that.
Jake: Wow, this Body Heat's a sexy movie, huh?
J.D.: Mmm. Doesn't Kathleen Turner have dynamite nerps?
Elliot: Yeah.
J.D.: What is wrong with you? Is this because I called you "Smelliot"? Because I can't believe you haven't heard that before.
Elliot: J.D., I don't care if you call me that.
J.D.: Hey, everybody! She's cool with "Smelliot"!
Todd: Oh, so he can call you "Smelliot" but I'm not allowed to call you "Vagina Face"?
Elliot: Not the same, Todd!
J.D.: Hey, Keith! I just called upstairs to see how Mr. Kellerman was doing? And get this - the nurse told me you never even started him on a Lasix drip. And Lisa! Imagine my surprise when she told me you never even increased his diuretic in the first place! I'm forced to ask, are you people trained killers? Say something, Keith!
Keith: Uh... I... eh... uh...
Jason: Dr. Dorian, if he gets bad enough and we have to put him on inotropes, he'll jump to the top of the transplant list and get a new heart.
J.D.'s Narration: They're messing up on purpose?
J.D.: Look, I don't know how it's been with your other doctors, but when you're under my care, you stay in the hospital until I say it's okay for you to leave.
Mrs. Tanner: We saved you a plate.
J.D.: I don't care about food right now!
J.D.'s narration: Oh my God, are those s'mores?
Elliot: Hey.
J.D.: Hey.
Elliot: I just wanted to...
J.D.: Yeah.
Elliot: Look...
J.D.: Thanks.
Elliot: 'Kay.
J.D.: 'Kay.
Dr. Cox: Say, Barbie, for a second there, I thought you were being a little bit cold, but then you really saved it with the "... 'Kay."
Elliot: We-we really shouldn't feel weird about this. I mean, these things like this happen all the time.
J.D.: All the time!
Elliot: Yeah, it's, uh, it's really not a big deal.
J.D.: It's not a big deal!
Elliot: Okay, you've gotta stop repeating everything I say in that weird tone of voice.
J.D.: No more repeating
Elliot: J.D.! You know all those pictures of us from when we were going out? Do you still have those?
J.D.'s Narration: Filed alphabetically in my "Elliot Cabinet".
J.D.: I don't know... I might... Why?
Turk: Hey. Baby. I'm gonna head home and watch some television with Rowdy.
Carla: Rowdy? NO! Um, you shouldn't go home.
Turk: Why?
Carla: I need you to go somewhere for me. I want you to go to a...strip club!
Turk: Okay.
J.D.: Hey, Turk, can I talk to you for a second?
Turk: Can't talk now, good stuff's happenin'!
Turk: Dude, you're still eating those brownies!
J.D.: I don't wanna get pregnant, shoot.
J.D.: I was going to make you dinner and then go to karaoke but I don't know how to do both the same night...Unless of course...
Elliot: J.D., not floating head doctor.
J.D.: Too late, I'm already there.
Turk: What makes you think I'd wanna be part of this, J.D.?
J.D.: I don't know! Kelso said it would make us role models. I guess I just assumed that-
Turk: Yeah, everybody assumes that I'm a good athlete, or-or-or that I grew up poor, or that I love 'Sanford and Son'.
J.D.: But you do love 'Sanford and Son'... We both do
