Favorite Jeff Greene Quotes
Larry: Guy pulls up to me on a motorcycle. Guess who it turns out to be?
Jeff: Portia De Rossi.
He has no balls. I have a solid single ball.
You know what you are? You're a social assassin.
Jeff: You're shittin' where you eat.
Larry: That's right. I'm shitting where I eat.
Waiter: I am the waiter.
Larry: Yet we were the ones waiting, so we became the waiters.
Jeff: This man's a hero. He just revolutionized the way restaurants work my friend. No one's gonna go hungry again.
Jeff: So you have to decide between whether you want Daddy, or Oscar.
Sammy: Mmm...Oscar!
Jeff: No, no. Whay I'm saying is, that if you say Oscar, Daddy won't be here.
Sammy: I know.
Jeff: You know?
Sammy: (nodding) Mmhum
Jeff: But you're choosing Oscar. I'm your Dad.
Sammy: I just love that dog.
Jeff: You never congratulated me on my new car.
Larry: What, are you kidding?
Jeff: No, I'm not kidding. I was pretty hurt by it.
Larry: I never congratulated your new car?
Jeff: I was hurt by it
Larry: What'd you pay for this?
Jeff: It's personal.
Larry: "Personal?" What are you, insane?
Larry: I need a letter of apology from your friend.
Jeff: Retraction, retraction!
Larry: Retraction? What are they going to say? "We're sorry we called her a cunt, we meant 'aunt.'"
Jeff: Do you know what 'Indian giving' is?
Larry: Yes, I know what it's called. It's a very racist term, but I'm okay with it
Larry: Your mother thinks I touched her breast? That is so sick!
Jeff: It's what she thinks. What can I say? Sweet dreams.
Larry: "Sweet dreams". I'll dream about fucking your mother. "Sweet dreams".
[My mom] said, "Larry felt my bosom, and held it there for several seconds"
