Elaine: (referring to Dr. Reston) He's like a Svenjolly.
Jerry: Svengali.
Elaine: What did I say?
Jerry: Svenjolly.
Elaine: Svenjolly? I did not say Svenjolly.
Jerry: George?
George: Svenjolly. (licking some peanut butter off his finger)
Elaine: I don't see how I could've said Svenjolly.
Jerry: Well, maybe he's got, like, a cheerful mental hold on you.

Elaine: Come on. Don't you think they seem a bit too perfect?Jerry: Yes they do!

Kramer: You "stink." Why don't you go take a shower?
Jerry: I showered! Oh, wait a second. Since I showered, I've been in the car.
Elaine: So?
Jerry: Don't you see what's happening here? It's attached itself to me! It's alive!

I heard something...

Hello 911. How are ya?

It's not like a Sonny Von Bulow coma.

Elaine: Did you get a haircut?
Jerry: Nope. Shower.

Jerry: Well, perhaps we can take comfort in the knowledge that in the next world, Ray will be the recipient of a much larger and more harsh brand of justice.
George: Yeah, he'll have my parents.

Elaine: What did you think, that would impress me?Jerry: You got it all wrong! I was thinking only of the poor Krakatoans!Elaine: Like you give this donation for 50 bucks and I'd start tearing my clothes off?Jerry: Those brave Krakatoans... East of Java! Who sacrificed so much for so long!

Jerry: Owen March? I never heard of him.
Elaine: Well, he's not a baseball player.

Have you ever been audited? It's hell. It's the financial equivalent of a complete rectal examination.

(giving house sitting instructions) One last thing, Benes. Regarding sexual activitystrictly prohibited, but, if you absolutely must, do us all a favor and do it in the tub.

Seinfeld Quotes

Elaine: (referring to Dr. Reston) He's like a Svenjolly.
Jerry: Svengali.
Elaine: What did I say?
Jerry: Svenjolly.
Elaine: Svenjolly? I did not say Svenjolly.
Jerry: George?
George: Svenjolly. (licking some peanut butter off his finger)
Elaine: I don't see how I could've said Svenjolly.
Jerry: Well, maybe he's got, like, a cheerful mental hold on you.

I can't get a massage from a man.

George