Popular Jerry Seinfeld Quotes
You got a "mickey" source?
You know, a muffin can be very filling!
I could get uromisitisis poisoning and die!
She's a Nazi, George. A Nazi!
George: I can't believe what's happening here. She hasn't taken her hands off me all night. She was always friendly around the office, but that was it!
Jerry: How do you account for this?
George: Maybe a safe fell on her head.
Jerry: (looks out the window, shocked) Oh my God in heaven!
(all three crowd around the window)
Elaine: (gasps) Is that?
Elaine: He's waving
(all three wave back)
Elaine: How do we know that dog food is any good? Who tastes it?
Jerry: She's really hungry.
Helen: You're going underwater?Jerry: Yes. Generally that's where scuba diving is done.Helen: What do you have to go underwater for? What's down there that's so special?
Oh, fire engines, ambulances all along the runway. And then, when we landed safely, they all seemed so...disappointed.
Well let me tell you something about George. He is fast. He can run like the wind. And he's strong. I've seen him lift a hundred pounds over his head without even knowing it. And you wouldn't know it to look at him, but George can bait a hook.
(Jerry is in his apartment, obliviously relating the day's events to George.)
Jerry: Over the balcony, bounced off some respirator thing into the patient!
George: What do you mean "into the patient?"
Jerry: Into the patient, literally!
George: Into the hole?
Jerry: Yes, the hole!
George: Didn't they notice it?
George: How could they not notice it?!
Jerry: Because it's a little mint. It's a Junior Mint.
George: W-ca-What did they do?
Jerry: They sealed him up with the mint inside.
George: They left the Junior Mint in him?
George: I-I guess it can't hurt him. People eat pounds of those things.
Jerry: Yes, they eat them. They don't put them next to vital organs in their abdominal cavity!
Cheryl: You're a very serious person, aren't you?
Jerry: Well, with so many people in the world deprived and unhappy, it doesn't
seem like it would be fair to be cheerful.
Cheryl: I understand.