George: If anything happens here can I count on you?
Jerry: What?
George: If we decide to go at it.
Jerry: Yeah, I want to get into a rumble.

(to his annoying colleague Pat) No, I'm not riffing. I'm ignoring. Do you understand the difference?

Kramer: I said, "I know about the stuff," you know, so he'd take me into his confidence.
Elaine: What did he say?
Kramer: "What stuff?"
Jerry: Oh, case closed.

(to George) Let me see if I understand this - in other words, you held out for LESS money?!

Cheryl: Do you ever laugh?
Jerry: Not really. Sometimes, when I'm in the tub.
Cheryl: That's so sad. What do you do?
Jerry: I'm a comedian.

Jerry: Come in (the coffee shop) for two minutes and sit with me.
George: I was just in there. It's embarrassing.
Jerry: Oh, who's gonna know?
George: They saw me walk out.

Jerry: What's that one?
Elaine: "Cocoon II: The Return". I guess they didn't like it up there
Jerry: Maybe they came back for Chinese food. Y'know Maureen Stapleton, if she gets a craving, she's probably screaming at those aliens, "I gotta have a Lo Mein!"

Jerry: I have to go meet Nina. You want to come to her loft, check out her paintings?
George: I don't get art.
Jerry: There's nothing to get.
George: No, it always has to be explained to me, and then I have to have someone explain the explanation.
Jerry: She does a lot of abstract stuff. In fact she's painting Kramer right now.

Jerry: You want to go with me to NBC?
George: Yeah, I think we really got something here.
Jerry: What do we got?
George: An idea.
Jerry: What idea?
George: An idea for the show.
Jerry: I still don't know what the idea is.
George: It's about nothing.
Jerry: Right.
George: Everybody's doing something, we'll do nothing.
Jerry: So, we go into NBC, we tell them we got an idea for a show about nothing?
George: Exactly.
Jerry: They say, "What's your show about?" I say, "Nothing."
George: There you go.
(A moment passes)
Jerry: (nodding) I think you may have something here.

George: (taking the lunch check) Here, let me get that. I smashed your car, cost you $2,000...
Jerry: Yeah, a cup of coffee should cover that.

Jerry: That's what death is, really: it's the last big move. The hearse is like the van, the pallbearers are your close friends, the only ones you can ask to help you in a move like this, and the casket is that one perfect box you've been looking for your entire life. The only problem is, once you find it, you're in it.

Two bedrooms? Why do I need two bedrooms? I got enough trouble maintaining activity in one.

Displaying quotes 13 - 24 of 496 in total

Seinfeld Quotes

Pipe down, chorus boy.

Mr. Benes

(on Kramer's chance of winning the contest) You'll be out before the check comes!

Jerry
×