That is one magic loogey!

The "B" is gone, but the "O" is still there!

Elaine: Could you go out with a 66-year-old woman?
Jerry: Well, I'll tell ya, she would have to be really vibrant. So vibrant, she'd be spinning.

(reading his note) 'Fax me some halibut.' Is that funny? Is that a joke?

Elaine: Remember that Columbus book?Jerry: Columbus... Euro trash

Jerry: That's what death is, really: it's the last big move. The hearse is like the van, the pallbearers are your close friends, the only ones you can ask to help you in a move like this, and the casket is that one perfect box you've been looking for your entire life. The only problem is, once you find it, you're in it.

George: I can't do this, I can't do this.
Jerry: What?
George: I can't do this, I can't do it. I've tried, I'm here, it's impossible.
Jerry: Hey, this was your idea.
George: What idea? I just said something. I didn't know you were gonna listen to me!
(He smacks Jerry's forehead)
Jerry: Don't worry about it. They're just TV executives.
George: They're men with jobs, Jerry! They wear suits and ties! They're married, they have secretaries!

Two bedrooms? Why do I need two bedrooms? I got enough trouble maintaining activity in one.

I am special, my mother was right.

Kramer: Say you got a big job interview, and you're a little nervous. Well throw back a couple shots of Hennigans and you'll be as loose as a goose and ready to roll in no time. And because it's odorless, why, it will be our little secret. H-E-double N-I...Jerry: Kramer! Yah, that'll do.

Jerry: Hey, I've never smelled in my life, buddy.
Restaurateur: Really? Well, I can smell you now.
Jerry: That's from the car!

Vandelay Industries. Kal Varnsen speaking. How may I help you?

Seinfeld Quotes

Elaine: (referring to Dr. Reston) He's like a Svenjolly.
Jerry: Svengali.
Elaine: What did I say?
Jerry: Svenjolly.
Elaine: Svenjolly? I did not say Svenjolly.
Jerry: George?
George: Svenjolly. (licking some peanut butter off his finger)
Elaine: I don't see how I could've said Svenjolly.
Jerry: Well, maybe he's got, like, a cheerful mental hold on you.

I can't get a massage from a man.

George