Popular Jerry Seinfeld Quotes
Jerry: Here. Take a look at this card. Tell me if you notice anything unusual about it.
Newman: Yeah, your nipple's showing.
Jerry: She's right in my building! Right above me! Every time I come in the building, I'm gonna have to sneak around like a cat burglar.
George: You're doomed. You're gonna have to have all your sex at women's apartments. It'll be like a permanent road trip. Forget about the home bed advantage.
Jerry: But I need the home bed advantage!
George: Of course, we all do.
I HATE my guyhe's a mean, MEAN guy!
Elaine: She died?Jerry: She died.Elaine: She died!!
Jerry: That's my car!
Car thief: I didn't know it was yours.
Jerry: What are you gonna do with it?
Car thief: I dunno, drive around.
Jerry: Then can I have it back?
Car thief: Hmmm, nah. I'm gonna keep it.
(to George) You're wearing the chocolate shirt!
George: A man gave me a massage.
George: So he had his hands and, uh, he was
Jerry: He was what?
George: He was touching and rubbing.
Party Guest: So what do you do?
Jerry: I'm a comedian.
Party Guest: Are you? Let me ask you something. Where do you get your material?
Jerry: I hear a voice.
Party Guest: What kind of voice?
Jerry: A man's voice, but he speaks in German so I have to get a translator.
Party Guest: How come you keep tapping your head?
Jerry: It's a nervous tic. I'm on L-Dopa.
She's a Nazi, George. A Nazi!
Elaine: Pal? You think I'm your pal?
Jerry: I said "and more."
I usually last about ten minutes on the stairmaster. Unless, of course, there's someone stretching in front of me in a leotard, then I can go an hour. That's why they call it the stairmaster. You get up there and you stare.
Yeah if you're exposed to gamma rays!