Jerry Seinfeld Quotes
Kramer: You know, things are going pretty well for me here. I met a girl.
Jerry: Kramer, she was murdered!
Kramer: Yeah, well I wasn't looking for a long term relationship. I was on TV.
George: As a suspect in a serial killing.
Kramer: Ok, yeah, you guys got to put a negative spin on everything.
- Permalink: You know, things are going pretty well for me here. I met a girl...
George: There's a bag of Pepperidge Farm cookies up there.
Jerry: What kind?
Jerry: Cops eating Milanos, what kind of crazy town is this?
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George: We're friends of a serial killer.
Criminal: Oh, that's nice.
Jerry: Suspected serial killer, he didn't actually do it.
George: We're pretty sure he didn't do it.
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Jerry: He says ask somebody, ask that guy right there.
George: Excuse me, where are we?
Jerry: You know I'm on the phone with the police, some guy just gave me a wise answer.
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Hello 911. How are ya?
- Permalink: Hello 911. How are ya?
Jerry: (seeing George's big pile of luggage) It's a three day trip. Who are you, Diana Ross?
George: I dress based on mood.
Jerry: But you essentially always wear the same thing.
George: Seemingly. But, within that basic framework, there are a number of subtle variations, visible only to the trained observer, that reveal the many moods, the many shades, of George Costanza.
Jerry: And what is this?
George: This is morning mist.
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Jerry: So I guess it's fair to say you've set different goals for yourself than say, Thomas Edison, Magellan, these types of people.
George: Magellan? You like Magellan?
Jerry: Oh, yeah. My favorite explorer. Around the world. Come on. Who do you like?
George: I like DeSoto.
Jerry: DeSoto? What did he do?
George: Discovered the Mississippi.
Jerry: Oh, like they wouldn't have found that anyway.
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Hello? Oh, hi Elaine. What's going on? No, he just left. You broke up with him? Me too!
- Permalink: Hello? Oh, hi Elaine. What's going on? No, he just left. You bro...
Newman: Wow, it was McDowell.
Jerry: But why? Why McDowell?
Kramer: Well, maybe because we were sitting in the right field stands cursing at him in the bullpen all game.
Newman: He must have caught a glimpse of us when I poured that beer on his head.
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Jerry: That's what death is, really: it's the last big move. The hearse is like the van, the pallbearers are your close friends, the only ones you can ask to help you in a move like this, and the casket is that one perfect box you've been looking for your entire life. The only problem is, once you find it, you're in it.
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Jerry: So, did you two, uh... have uh...
Jerry: You know.
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George: Well, what do they look like?
Jerry: Like keys, George. They look like keys. They look exactly like keys... What do they look like...
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Elaine: (referring to Dr. Reston) He's like a Svenjolly.
Elaine: What did I say?
Elaine: Svenjolly? I did not say Svenjolly.
George: Svenjolly. (licking some peanut butter off his finger)
Elaine: I don't see how I could've said Svenjolly.
Jerry: Well, maybe he's got, like, a cheerful mental hold on you.
- Permalink: He's like a Svenjolly. Svengali. What did I say? Svenjolly...
I can't get a massage from a man.George
- Permalink: I can't get a massage from a man.