Seinfeld

Jerry Seinfeld Quotes (Page 14)

Susan: So what kind of a bubble, like an igloo?
Jerry: No, that's what I thought. But apparently it's just a big piece of plastic, dividing the room.
George: What kind of plastic do you think it is? Like that dry cleaning plastic?
Jerry: That's no good. He wouldn't last 10 minutes in there!
 • Rating: Unrated

(George is driving too fast as Jerry is following him)
Jerry: What's he doing? What is his hurry?
Elaine: Well, you know George. It's not good enough to get there. You gotta make good timing.
Jerry: I know he once went from West 81st Street to Kennedy Airport in 25 minutes. I never heard the end of it.
(Elaine laughs quietly)
Jerry: Look at him.
 • Rating: Unrated

(Jerry has lost track of George's car)
Jerry: What is he doing? Is he out of his mind? Do you see him? I don't even think I see him anymore. Where is he?
Elaine: Isn't that blue car him?
Jerry: No, no that's not him. What happened to him. I can't believe it. I lost him. That stupid idiot. Now what are we gonna do?
Elaine: It's no big deal, Jerry. We'll just meet him at the bubble boy's house.
Jerry: I don't even know where the bubble boy lives. I don't even remember the name of the town.
Elaine: You don't have the directions?
Jerry: No, I was following him.
Elaine: How could you not take the directions?
Jerry: Because HE'S my directions.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jerry: He's a bubble boy.
George: A bubble boy?
Jerry: Yes, a bubble boy.
Susan: What's a bubble boy?
Jerry: He lives in a bubble.
George: Boy.
 • Rating: Unrated

Naomi: I thought you were happy-go-lucky.
Jerry: No, no, no, I'm not happy, I'm not lucky, and I don't go. If anything, I'm sad-stop-unlucky.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jerry: (to George) Let me see if I understand this - in other words, you held out for LESS money?!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Helen: She's beautiful.
Jerry: She's not beautiful.
Helen: I think she's beautiful.
Jerry: So you ask her out.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jerry: What are you repeating everything I say?
George: What are you repeating everything I say?
Jerry: Well George is an idiot.
George: Well G...
 • Rating: Unrated

Jerry: (monologue) Don't you hate "to be continued" on TV? It's horrible when you sense the "to be continued" coming. You know, you're watching the show You're into the story. There's like five minutes left and suddenly you realize, "Hey, they can't make it! Timmy's still stuck in the cave! There's no way they're gonna wrap this up in five minutes!" I mean, the whole reason you watch a TV show is because it ends. If I want a long, boring story with no point to it, I have my life. A comedian can't do that, see. I can't go, "A man walks into a bar with a pig under his arm -- Can you come back next week?"
 • Rating: Unrated

Helen: Why did you tell this crazy guy that Kramer didn't invite him to his party?
Jerry: I didn't know he wasn't invited.
Morty: Hey, these are very comfortable pants. You know what I paid for these Jerry?
Helen: So why did you say anything?
Jerry: It was a mistake.
Morty: They're good around the house and they're good for outside!
 • Rating: Unrated

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