Seinfeld

Jerry Seinfeld Quotes (Page 12)

Jerry: She's a virgin. She just told me.
Elaine: I didn't know.
Jerry: Well, it's not like spotting a toupee!
Elaine: Do you think I should say something? Should I apologize? Was I being anti-virgin?
 • Rating: Unrated

Jerry: So your boyfriend never came back from Berlin?
Marla: Never came back.
Jerry: Oh, you must have been devastated being left for a wall.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jerry: Let me ask you this: is there any Tampax in your house?
George: Yeah
Jerry: Well, I'll tell you what you got here. You got yourself a girlfriend.
George: Oh no!
 • Rating: Unrated

Jerry: Let me ask you something. When's the last time you went skiing?
George: About six years ago.
Jerry: I think you can take the lift ticket off your jacket now.
George: Women like skiers.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jerry: you know, it's a very interesting situation. Here you have a job that can get you girls. But, you also have a relationship. But if you try and get rid of the relationship so you can get the girls, you lose the job. You see the irony?
 • Rating: Unrated

Jerry: This is your plan?
George: No, no. I'm just thinking.
Jerry: I don't think you are.
 • Rating: Unrated

George: Hey, what about this? I'm in a car accident. The motorist is uninsured, you with me?
Jerry: Yeah.
George: My car's totaled. It's all his fault and now, he has absolutely no money. There is no way that he can pay me. So the judge decrees that he becomes my butler.
 • Rating: Unrated

(George just found out that Susan was fired)
George: This is great! He fired her! This is incredible, he fired her. I'm out, baby! I'm out!
Jerry: Why did he fire her?
George: Because I kissed her in the meeting. Russell found out, he fired her over the phone. Finally, my stupidity pays off!
 • Rating: Unrated

Jerry: I like this opera crowd; I feel tough.
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Jerry: The idea behind the tuxedo is the woman's point of view that men are all the same, so we might as well dress them that way. That's why a wedding is like the joining together of a beautiful glowing bride, and some guy. The tuxedo is a wedding safety device created by women because they know that men are undependable. So in case the groom chickens out, everybody just takes one step over and she marries the next guy. Thats why the wedding vow isn't "do you take Bill Simpson", it's "do you take this man."
 • Rating: Unrated

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