Seinfeld

Jerry Seinfeld Quotes (Page 8)

Jerry: Let me ask you something. If you were going out with somebody and if she did that what would, would you do? Would you continue going out with her?
George: No. That's disgusting!
 • Rating: Unrated

Jerry: But I was clearly on the outer edge of the nostril.
Tia: I know what I saw. (Turns toward the elevators)
Jerry: But there, but there was no pick! I, I did not pick! There was no pick!
Tia: I gotta go. (she quickly walks away from Jerry)
Jerry: No! No pick!
 • Rating: Unrated

Jerry: Are we not human?! If we pick, do we not bleed?!
 • Rating: Unrated

George: Was it a scratch or a pick?
Jerry: It was a pick!
George: Hey, it's me you're talking to! Was there any nostril penetration?
Jerry: (stutters) There may have been some accidental penetration!
 • Rating: Unrated

(After Jerry selfishly takes the lone first-class seat available he confronts Elaine about the issue)
Jerry: Elaine, have you ever flown first-class?
Elaine: No.
Jerry: All right then. See, you don't know what you're missing. I've flown first-class. I can't go back to coach. I can't, I won't.
Elaine: We flew here coach.
Jerry: Yeah, that's true.
Elaine: Oh, alright. If the plane crashes, everyone in first class is going to die anyway.
Jerry: Yeah, I'm sure you'll live.
 • Rating: Unrated

Tia: This ice cream is really nice.
Jerry: Oh you know what, they've put the fudge at the bottom of the ice cream. That way you can control your fudge distribution as you eat it.
Tia: I never knew a man who knew so much about nothing.
Jerry: Thank you.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jerry: It smells like a cheap hooker. Or is that you?
Elaine: Give me ten bucks and find out.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jerry: You see? Never be late for a plane with a girl. Because a girl runs like a girl, with the little steps and the arms flailing out. You wanna make this plane, you've gotta run like a man! Get your knees up!
 • Rating: Unrated

Elaine: Well, what about George? He's supposed to pick us up at Kennedy.
Jerry: We'll call him.
Elaine: There's no time.
Jerry: No time? (to ticket lady) Is there time?
Ticket Lady: There's no time.
Jerry: There's no time.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jerry: Bon voyage, Lainey!
 • Rating: Unrated

Are we missing your favorite quote from "?" Submit it here and get points for adding quotes!