Jerry Seinfeld Quotes
Jerry: So, I'm thinking of putting in a tropical fish tank right here.
Tia: Are you sure you're ready for that kind of commitment?
Jerry: Well, I figure if it doesn't work out I can always flush them down the toilet.
Tia: That's horrible!
Jerry: Did you look at look at this picture carefully?
Elaine: Carefully?
Jerry: Because I'm not sure and and and correct me if I'm wrong but I think I see a nipple.
Jerry: Tia, did you see all the flowers in that bathroom? It's like an English garden in there.
Attendant: They're gardenias, mostly.
Jerry: I thought I smelled lilac.
Attendant: Yes, there are a few of those, too.
Tia: It's almost overwhelming.
Attendant: Would you care for some slippers?
Jerry: Sounds lovely! (To Tia) May I?
Tia: Please! (puts slippers on her)
Jerry: Why, It's a perfect fit. You must be Cinderella.
Tia: So, he says, "squeeze your breasts together," and I say, "I thought this was an ad for shoes." (Tia and Jerry both laugh)
Jerry: Oh my
Tia: This ice cream is really nice.
Jerry: Oh you know what, they've put the fudge at the bottom of the ice cream. That way you can control your fudge distribution as you eat it.
Tia: I never knew a man who knew so much about nothing.
Jerry: Thank you.
Tia: Excuse me; I think you're in my seat.
Jerry: Oh, sorry. My mistake. (to himself) Thank you!
Bon voyage, Lainey!
Jerry: I got my bags. I'm ready to go.
Elaine: Yeah, you got your bags!
(scene goes to Honolulu International Airport where we see Elaine's luggage going around the baggage terminal)
(to himself) Nah, couldn't be.
Jerry
You see? Never be late for a plane with a girl. Because a girl runs like a girl, with the little steps and the arms flailing out. You wanna make this plane, you've gotta run like a man! Get your knees up!
Jerry: It smells like a cheap hooker. Or is that you?
Elaine: Give me ten bucks and find out.