The Office

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Jim Halpert Quotes (Page 35)

Season 3, Episode 9: "The Convict"

Jim: Where did you learn all of this?
Prison Mike: Internet.
Jim: So, not prison.
Prison Mike: And prison. Fifty-fifty... both. Look, prison stinks is what I'm saying.
• Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Jim: Quick question — do you play the guitar?
Andy: I play the banjo.
Jim: Hold on, let me think about that...yes, that'll work. But can you sing in a sexy high falsetto voice?
Andy: [singing] You know I can, my man.
• Rating: Unrated

Jim: [picks up phone] Jim Halpert.
Andy: I am so horny.
Jim: Okay, I can't help you with that.
Andy: Oh, I think you can, Big Tuna. Tell me about that Indian chick, Kelly. She seems pretty slutty. Good for a romp in the sack.
Jim: She is dating Ryan, I think.
Andy: Oh, and I care why?
Jim: She's high-maintenance.
Andy: Next. How about... Angela. Blondes are more fun. C'mon, trust me on that.
Jim: Yeah, trust me, that would be fun for no one.
• Rating: Unrated

Season 3, Episode 8: "Branch Closing"

Jim: I always knew that the branch would shut down someday. I just figured it would be because Michael would sell the building for some magic beans.
• Rating: Unrated

Jim: I don't have a ton of contact with the Scranton branch, but before I left, I took a box of Dwight's stationery, so from time to time I send Dwight faxes. From himself. From the future: "Dwight, at 8am today, someone poisons the coffee. Do not drink the coffee. More instructions will follow. Cordially, Future Dwight."
• Rating: Unrated

Season 3, Episode 7: "The Merger"

Kelly: Jim!!! Oh my god, I have so much to tell you. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes had a baby, and they named it Suri! And Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie also had a baby, and they named is Shiloh! And both babies are amaziiiing!
Jim: Wow, so, uh, what's new with you?
Kelly: I just told you.
• Rating: Unrated

Karen: Does Bob Vance work for Vance Refrigeration?
Jim: Does he ever.
• Rating: Unrated

Season 3, Episode 6: "Diwali"

Karen: Hey dummy! Get in the car!
Jim: I'm a drunk driver.
Karen: Yes you are.
• Rating: Unrated

Jim: Hey, can I have a ride, man? I, uh, I have my bike.
Andy: No way, dude. I am not driving home. I brought an inflatable bed for just such occasions. You're welcome to share it, though. It's a roomy twin.
Jim: I'm okay.
• Rating: Unrated