Jim Halpert Quotes
Dwight: Did you get your tickets?
Jim: To what?
Dwight: [kisses bicep] The gun show.
Right now this is just a job. If I advance any higher in this company, this would be my career. And, uh, if this were my career, I'd have to throw myself in front of a train.
Jim
Michael: There's a decision that needs to be made. And I'm having an unbelievably busy day. So I'm going to let you pick a health care plan for our office and then explain it to your co-workers.
Jim: Gosh.
Michael: Yeah!
Jim: That is a great offer.
Michael: Yeesh!
Jim: Thank you. I really think I should be concentrating on sales.
Jim: Wait, what are you writing? Don't write ebola or mad cow disease, all right? Because I'm suffering from both of them.
Pam: I'm inventing new diseases.
Jim: Oh, great.
Pam: So, like, let's say that my teeth turn to liquid and then they drip down the back of my throat. What would you call that?
Jim: I thought you said you were inventing new diseases. That's spontaneous dental hydroplosion.
Pam: Nice.
Dwight: Count Choculitus.
Jim: Sounds tough.
Dwight: Why did you write that down Jim? Is it because you know I love Count Chocula?
Jim: Do you?
Jim: Thanks Dwight.
Dwight: Retaliation. Tit for tit.
Jim: *That* is not the expression
Dwight: Well it should be.
Michael: Jim, now is the time to stop putting Dwight's personal effects into jello.
Jim: Okay. Dwight, I'm sorry, because I've always been your biggest flan.
Michael: [laughs] Oh, nice!! That's the way it is around here, just kind of goes round and round and round...
Ryan: [playing along] You should have put him in custardy.
Michael: Oh, hey! Yes! New guy, and he scores!
Dwight: You can't do that!
Jim: Why not?
Dwight: Safety violation. I could fall and pierce... an organ.
Jim [crossing his fingers]: We'll see. [to camera] See, this is why the whole downsizing thing just doesn't bother me.
Dwight: Downsizing?!
Jim: Dwight, what are you doing?
Dwight: What?
Jim: What are you doing?
Dwight: Just clearing my desk. I can't concentrate.
Jim: It's not on your desk!
Dwight: It's overlapping. It's all spilling over the edge. One word, two syllables. Demarcation.
My job is to speak to clients, um, on the phone about, uh, quantities and, uh, type of copier paper. You know, uh, whether we can supply it to them, whether they can, uh, pay for it. And, um... I'm boring myself just talking about this.
