Joe Swanson Quotes
One day a rain will come and wash all the scum off the streets.
Joe: Sex is overrated.
Peter: Stay out of this Joe.
Joe: I'll take smelling good over walking good any day.
Bonnie: You don't smell good, Joe.
Joe: I'm sorry, I thought I was alone.
Tim Gunn: Joe, this is Tim Gunn. I agree with your friends.
Joe: I gotta get that guy out of my head.
Peter: We're going nowhere! This bar belongs to us! Ice cream truck! [runs off]
Joe: You didn't get any ice cream?
Peter: The ice cream man was handsome and I got nervous!
Joe: Here you go guys, first time in a while I've had wood in my lap.
Quagmire: Are we supposed to laugh at that? Because it's upsetting.
Peter: You know, we saved so much trouble not flying commercial I think we came out ahead.
Joe: Sure. Drive right up to the plane.
Peter: Exactly. If we went to Logan, that plane wouldn't crash for another hour at least. [plane crashes behind him] Oh, they made pretty good time!
Joe: You speak French?
Quagmire: Sure, they love me in France!
Peter: I have two ideas. One that I think is awesome and one that I think is stupid. We could either A: rob a Mafia poker game, or B: skydive
Joe: Skydive? I'd be totally up for that!
Quagmire: Yeah, I've always wanted to try skydiving!
Peter: Really? Eh, could be fun I guess.
Peter: Hey Joe, how often do you have sex with Bonnie?
Joe: Well, my HMO only pays for the equipment once a year, why?
Joe: Are we sure this is the way to the dining hall?
Quagmire: Oh, I'm sorry, are your feet getting tired? God, I'd love to be able to wheel around in a toy all day.
Bonnie's making wallets now. Look, she's gonna ask you guys to buy one, I'll just give you the money, just don't throw it out within 5 miles of where we live.