Kevin Malone Quotes
Oh well, if they aren't together now, then they probably never will be. I thought they'd be good together, like PB&J. [wheels turning] Pam Beasley ... and Jim. What a waste. What. A. Waste.
Jan: Well it was good to see you.
Kevin: It was great to see you, Jan.
Jan: Yeah, so...
Michael: O-kay. Hello Jan.
Jan: Hello... Michael.
Michael: Wow, Kevin, really? We're- [to Jan] Sorry. We're in the middle of a party. Is this why you called me down here?
Kevin: Yeah, Michael, I just uh...
Jan: I...
Kevin: I think you kids have a lot to catch up on.
Michael: Oh, okay.
Kevin: Yeah.
Michael: Thanks, Kevin. Um...
Holly: Hey Kevin.
Kevin: Hi.
Holly: Do you need some help?
Kevin: I can't decide what to get.
Holly: Well, what do you like to eat?
Kevin: Well I like pretzels, but, I really like chips.
Holly: Hmm. Well how much money do you have there? Okay, let's see... fifty... Oh, this is a button. Okay. 55, 65, okay, you have 75 cents. So, that means you could get anything up in the top row.
Kevin: Hmm.
I am totally gonna bang Holly. She is cute, and helpful, and she really seems into me.
Holly: [thinking Kevin is slow] Hi!
Kevin: Hi.
Holly: What do you do?
Kevin: I do the numbers.
Holly: Oh, good for you!
Kevin: You want an M&M?
Holly: Oh, no, that is so sweet. Thank you, though.
Kevin: I keep them here at my desk so that everybody doesn't take them.
Holly: Well, that is a very safe place for them.
Kevin: [smiling] Yeah.
Kevin: What's going on?
Jim: Michael just called the pizza place with a list of demands.
Michael: Mister Overdramatic, what's up Kevin?
Kevin: We're getting hungry out there. We're all accomplices now anyway, so we figured we might as well eat. We would like to order some good pizza, from Alfredo's Pizza Cafe, while we wait for the hostage situation with the bad pizza to end.
Stanley: You find anything?
Kevin: We think it's a straight forward kidnapping.
Oscar: Stanley, could you look up "accomplices"?
Stanley: Why can't you guys do it?
Oscar: Because we're looking up jail time.
Stanley: Fine.
Oh no, it's bad. It's real bad. It's like eating a hot circle of garbage.
Michael: Good news.
Stanley: We get to go home?
Michael: Guess who just ordered from your favorite pizza place, Alfredo?
Kevin: Wait! Alfredo's Pizza Cafe? Or Pizza by Alfredo?
Michael: Same thing.
Kevin: No, no.
Kelly: I want you to tell me that you care about me. That is what I want.
Ryan: Kelly, I'm your boss now, OK? You can't keep talking to me like I'm your boyfriend.
Kelly: Oh big strong man, fancy new whatever. I don't think you ever cared about me.
Ryan: I never cared about you? Six months ago Karen Filipelli sent me an email. Asked me out. I said no, because I was committed to our relationship.
Kelly: Well, I hope you're still committed because I'm pregnant.
Michael: Fire guy. Don't start any fires, Ryan.
Andy: Fire guy!
Kevin: You weren't here for that.
Andy: Here for what?
Kevin: When he started the fire.
Michael: Look how big he is. Look at you, you are so mature and old and little man now. You're like our little man...
Kevin: Little old man boy.
Ryan: Michael and everybody, umm...
Michael: Beard.
Kevin: Bearded man boy.
Ryan: ...let me just say something. I know I used to be a temp here, but now everything is different. I'd like your respect. I am your boss now. You're gonna have to treat me that same way you treated Jan.
Michael: Oh, wow!
Ryan: So...
Michael: That's a little kinky. I don't swing that way.
Stanley: [on the phone] No, rabies... Babies would be a good idea. Can I put you down for a dime?
Michael: Hi Stanley, how many sponsors so far?
Stanley: Zero.
Michael: Come on man, gotta step it up! It's for a good cause. Jan called this morning and pledged $500.00.
Andy: Isn't that your money?
Michael: That... is for a good cause. Phyllis, how's the rabies quilt coming?
Phyllis: Oh, it's coming.
Michael: Oh, look at that, 3. Way to honor Meredith, Phyllis.
Kevin: Michael?
Michael: Yes.
Kevin: You cannot make me run.
Michael: OK.
