The Office

Kevin Malone Quotes (Page 14)

Kevin: We need to assemble the five families.
Michael: No, not the five families.
Kevin: We have to.
 • Rating: Unrated

Andy: Because of the construction at W.B. Jones, half of us have to park in the satellite lot.
Michael: Hmm..
Andy: It's like a 10 minute walk.
Kevin: No, 30.
Michael: Well, look, I am in an assigned parking place in front, so... Alright, alright, alright, umm let me try to think about what it would be like to not have one. OK, yes that would be bad.
Kevin: Yes.
Andy: Yes.
Michael: That would be bad.
Andy: OK.
Kevin: Nice.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kevin: What's going on?
Jim: Michael just called the pizza place with a list of demands.
Michael: Mister Overdramatic, what's up Kevin?
Kevin: We're getting hungry out there. We're all accomplices now anyway, so we figured we might as well eat. We would like to order some good pizza, from Alfredo's Pizza Cafe, while we wait for the hostage situation with the bad pizza to end.
 • Rating: Unrated

Stanley: You find anything?
Kevin: We think it's a straight forward kidnapping.
Oscar: Stanley, could you look up "accomplices"?
Stanley: Why can't you guys do it?
Oscar: Because we're looking up jail time.
Stanley: Fine.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kevin: Oh no, it's bad. It's real bad. It's like eating a hot circle of garbage.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Michael: Good news.
Stanley: We get to go home?
Michael: Guess who just ordered from your favorite pizza place, Alfredo?
Kevin: Wait! Alfredo's Pizza Cafe? Or Pizza by Alfredo?
Michael: Same thing.
Kevin: No, no.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kelly: I want you to tell me that you care about me. That is what I want.
Ryan: Kelly, I'm your boss now, OK? You can't keep talking to me like I'm your boyfriend.
Kelly: Oh big strong man, fancy new whatever. I don't think you ever cared about me.
Ryan: I never cared about you? Six months ago Karen Filipelli sent me an email. Asked me out. I said no, because I was committed to our relationship.
Kelly: Well, I hope you're still committed because I'm pregnant.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: Fire guy. Don't start any fires, Ryan.
Andy: Fire guy!
Kevin: You weren't here for that.
Andy: Here for what?
Kevin: When he started the fire.
Michael: Look how big he is. Look at you, you are so mature and old and little man now. You're like our little man...
Kevin: Little old man boy.
Ryan: Michael and everybody, umm...
Michael: Beard.
Kevin: Bearded man boy.
Ryan: ...let me just say something. I know I used to be a temp here, but now everything is different. I'd like your respect. I am your boss now. You're gonna have to treat me that same way you treated Jan.
Michael: Oh, wow!
Ryan: So...
Michael: That's a little kinky. I don't swing that way.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kevin: Oh well, if they aren't together now, then they probably never will be. I thought they'd be good together, like PB&J. [wheels turning] Pam Beasley ... and Jim. What a waste. What. A. Waste.
 • Rating: Unrated

Stanley: [on the phone] No, rabies... Babies would be a good idea. Can I put you down for a dime?
Michael: Hi Stanley, how many sponsors so far?
Stanley: Zero.
Michael: Come on man, gotta step it up! It's for a good cause. Jan called this morning and pledged $500.00.
Andy: Isn't that your money?
Michael: That... is for a good cause. Phyllis, how's the rabies quilt coming?
Phyllis: Oh, it's coming.
Michael: Oh, look at that, 3. Way to honor Meredith, Phyllis.
Kevin: Michael?
Michael: Yes.
Kevin: You cannot make me run.
Michael: OK.
 • Rating: Unrated

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