Kevin Malone Quotes
Pam: Ladies, are we prepared to let the Kevins of the world decide anything for us? Anything at all? We don't even give him full internet access.
Kevin: Wait, what?
- Permalink: Ladies, are we prepared to let the Kevins of the world decide an...
Kevin: Ladies and gentlemen, even though the penis was fake, I was expecting a second plot twist where we found out Hilary Swank was a boy.
Angela: Okay, I wasn't going to dignify this discussion by getting involved, but I don't even get the discussion, hot is a temperature people. But Kevin deserves to lose for what he said, so, yes, she's hot, she's hot as heck, she's a female Boris Becker.
- Permalink: Ladies and gentlemen, even though the penis was fake, I was expe...
Jim: Kevin, you know what, why don't you close your eyes? Imagine that Hilary Swank comes into this office for real and she walks over to you and says "Kevin Malone, I just read your online profile and there is nothing I would rather do then make out with you right now." And now you tell me something, is she hot? Does that end the debate?
Kevin: No, it's is she hot, not would you do her. Respect the game.
Angela: Oh my God.
- Permalink: Kevin, you know what, why don't you close your eyes? Imagine tha...
Jim: I think all of us have a tendency to view celebrities as sort of mythical figures, you know? We don't really see them as real so therefore we don't judge them as real people.
Kevin: Are you serious? Jim, just show us a picture.
- Permalink: I think all of us have a tendency to view celebrities as sort of...
Andy: Each side will have three minutes to prepare opening arguments. Topic: Hillary Swank is attractive.
Entire office: Hot!
Kevin: The debate is whether she is hot.
Stanley: What difference does it make? Attractive, beautiful, hot, we're talking about the same thing here.
Kevin: Huge difference. A painting can be beautiful, but I don't want to bang a painting.
Andy: Okay, TMI.
- Permalink: Hillary Swank is attractive. Hot! The debate is whether she ...
Meredith: She's got mean eyes.
Pam: Have you seen her with her bangs?
Kevin: She looks like a monster.
Jim: Guys, she is a beautiful movie star, so maybe we should just go to work.
Meredith: She is an amazing actress.
Kevin: That is not the question.
Phyllis: She's not hot.
Kevin: Yeah, thank you Phyllis.
Jim: Okay, okay, okay. Why don't we just put this to a vote, and then we'll be done with it.
Angela: I'm not voting.
Jim: No one cares.
- Permalink: She's got mean eyes. Have you seen her with her bangs? She l...
Oscar: It's 4:10, I don't think he's gonna show.
Kevin: Oh come on, man! Believe in something.
- Permalink: 10, I don't think he's gonna show. Oh come on, man! Believe in...
Angela: Kevin, you screwed this form up again. The amount owed goes at the top.
Kevin: Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was doing something wrong. If I had, I would've admitted it, and stopped right away.
Angela: That's enough.
Kevin: Because I wouldn't want an innocent person, who doesn't know anything about the form... What?
Oscar: That was good. It's just ... at the end you weren't saying something that could also apply to the form.
Kevin: How about, "I'm sorry I did such a whorish job filling out this form?"
Oscar: There you go.
- Permalink: Kevin, you screwed this form up again. The amount owed goes at t...
Pam: Quick announcement: new year, new candy.
Pam: Okay, be careful, Kevin. They're kind of spicy.
Kevin: Hot tamales.
Kevin: Uh oh.
- Permalink: New year, new candy. Whoo-hoo! Okay, be careful, Kevin. They...
Michael: Okay, how do you feel?
Meredith: A little better. I threw up.
Michael: Ick... TMI.
Kevin: Fire girl! [crickets] Too soon?
- Permalink: Okay, how do you feel? A little better. I threw up. Ick... T...
Kevin: Michael, I got you a hot chocolate. I hope that's okay.
Michael: Oh, thank you my dear.
Kelly: Wait, Michael! Let me open the door for you.
Michael: Oh, well, chivalry is not dead after all. Okay...
Stanley: There he is!
Michael: There he is! Hello, hello!
Michael: Hello! Good to see you! Good to see you.
Michael: Mm! [gives Jim a high five] Yeah!
Pam: There's that ass!
Michael: Hey hey! Yeah! Unh!
Pam: Woo! Yeah. Aw, don't take it away!
Michael: Oh... ah, I almost choked.
- Permalink: Okay. Michael, I got you a hot chocolate. I hope that's okay. ...
Kevin: So Jim, you're gonna live in the same house that you used to pee the bed in?
Jim: Yeah, I guess technically Kev, you're right.
- Permalink: So Jim, you're gonna live in the same house that you used to pee...
I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them.Andy
- Permalink: I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days befor...
Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.Michael
- Permalink: Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sin...