Kevin Malone Quotes
Michael: You know what the best medicine is?
Kevin: The doctor said a combination of Interferon and Dacarbazine.
Michael: And laughter.
Abby's my fiancée Stacey's daughter. I think she'll have a good time. I just hope she doesn't look in my computer... actually, I better go check. (runs off)
Kevin
Kevin: I bet Roy heard about you liking Pam. I bet he'll try to beat you up.
Jim: Thanks for the heads up, Kev.
Kevin: I got your back if he does. [pauses] But try to stay out of it.
Let me out Michael, I can't hold my breath that long.
Kevin
Kevin: Can you hop?
Michael: I tried hopping, Kevin. I bumped my elbow against the wall and now my elbow has a protuberance.
I got myself in secret santa. I was supposed to tell somebody... but I didn't.
Kevin
Phyllis: Everyone, this is my boyfriend Bob.
Kevin: Kevin Malone.
Bob Vance: Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration.
Stanley: Stanley Hudson.
Bob Vance: Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration.
Ryan: Ryan Howard.
Bob Vance: Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration.
Ryan: What line of work you in, Bob?
I'm gonna have to delete a lot of stuff. [pause] A LOT of stuff.
Kevin
Pam: I'd just like to say that, my Mom's coming in today.
Kevin: Mmmmilf.
Pam: Thanks Kevin.
Roy: Well, what is your type?
Jim: ... Moms, primarily. Yup. Soccer moms. Single moms. Nascar moms. Any type of mom really.
Kevin: Stay away from my mom...
Jim: Too late, Kev.
Dwight [Reading suggestions for health care coverage]: Who thought of this one? Anal fissures.
Kevin: That's a real thing.
Dwight: Yeah, but no one here has it.
Kevin: Someone has it.
Kevin: [to Angela, who is role-playing as a Jamaican] Do you wanna go to the beach?
Angela: Sure.
Kevin: Do you wanna get high?
Angela: No.
Kevin: I think you do... mon.
