Archer: Please don't slash the painting, it's...priceless!
Lana: But worthless if you damage it. But even though it's very delicate, it can withstand a surprising amount of shit.

• Permalink: But worthless if you damage it. But even though it's very delicate, it can withstand a...
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Archer: Wait - is that an extremely ill-phrased analogy about my penis?
Lana: Yes, Archer, it is, because everything, everywhere, everywhen is about the paragon of adequacy that is your dick.

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Cyril's just the Vader to your Palpatine.

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We all enjoyed this break from him, but Cyril, if you tell him I said this I'll break your freakin' arms, but it's, ugh, Archer Time.

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Sterling Archer, I'd like you to meet your daughter, Abigene.

• Permalink: Sterling Archer, I'd like you to meet your daughter, Abigene.
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Conway Stern: Well, you're looking good, girl. A lot curvier than I remember.
Lana: Well, I had a baby
Conway Stern: Sorry. Never mind
Lana: Never mind what?
Conway Stern: Like name it?

• Permalink: Like name it?
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Archer: I'm talking about us flying on the same plane, Lana. What if it crashed?
Lana: Then I wouldn't have to had to watch you pound 20 drinks and talk the stewardess into a hand job?

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Lana: And what operation is the CIA conducting in Argentina
Slater: Sorry. It's operation nunya---
Lana: I---
Archer: As in beeswax, Lana. (mimicks a PA system) Dr. Kane, report to the burn unit.

• Permalink: As in beeswax, Lana. Dr. Kane, report to the burn unit.
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Lana: So how did you get the name Crash?
Crash: Oh it's a long story about me saving the lives of 8 other climbers right after an avalance
Lana and Ray (in unison): Sploosh

• Permalink: Sploosh
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Lana: [to Archer] So will your feelings be super hurt if I bang him?
Ray: [from off-screen] Yes!!

• Permalink: Yes!!
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Krieger: That's what they said about Tesla's deathray! So this favor. Lana...wait Lana, what's this favor?!
Lana: (as she's running away) Just promise to use your powers for good.
Krieger: Hahahah, no

• Permalink: Hahahah, no
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Lana: I'm going upstate for seer school
Cheryl: So take her with you!
Lana: To SURVIVAL school
Cherl: Big whoop. Hang her in a bear bag

• Permalink: To Survival School
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