Mondays 10:00 PM on FX
Archer

Somehow we're in a crazy universe where bonuses are based on merit and not whether you crawled out of your mother.

Lana: Why is there a camera?
Lance: I assume because this restaurant can't hold 3 million viewers

The last time she was in the field they were still using muskets.

Cyril: I only have two eyes and they were looking for hunters.
Lana: Why, is it pumpkin season?
Cyril: Is that a thing?

If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and murders a bunch of its fellow ducks...

Archer: Oh my God!
Lana: What?
Archer: Michael Gray - was Billy Batson on Shazam!

Lana: Have you ever heard of ISIS?
Archer: From the Shazam/Isis Hour TV Show?

Malory: Duly noted and disregarded. And I expect you to be totally convincing.
Lana: As the damsel in distress? Have you ever met a woman less damselly?
Malory: Pam.

Cheryl: Think about someone else for once in your life.
Lana: And that's her saying that.

With your looks, maybe bitchy isn't the way to go.

Krieger: I needed help disseminating him.
Cheryl: Eww!
Pam: Not what it means.
Lana: Still pretty gross though.

Lana: Someone is trying to frame Malory for assassinating the prime minister of Italy.
Cheryl: Ooh I bet it's that wicked king.

Displaying quotes 25 - 36 of 89 in total

Archer Quotes

Bloody mary, blessed are you among cocktails. Pray for me now in the hour of my death, which I hope is soon. Amen.

Archer

Hawley: Awww screw me!
Archer: ...said Ripley to the android Bishop.

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