Archer: Are you kidding, I didn't even let [Woodhouse] go to his own brother's funeral.
Lana: Was he crushed?
Archer: He probably would have been if I told him about it.

Lana: Thank you for making me carry your bag through customs.
Woodhouse: No, thank you.

Somehow we're in a crazy universe where bonuses are based on merit and not whether you crawled out of your mother.

Lana: Why is there a camera?
Lance: I assume because this restaurant can't hold 3 million viewers

The last time she was in the field they were still using muskets.

Cyril: I only have two eyes and they were looking for hunters.
Lana: Why, is it pumpkin season?
Cyril: Is that a thing?

If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and murders a bunch of its fellow ducks...

Archer: Oh my God!
Lana: What?
Archer: Michael Gray - was Billy Batson on Shazam!

Lana: Have you ever heard of ISIS?
Archer: From the Shazam/Isis Hour TV Show?

Malory: Duly noted and disregarded. And I expect you to be totally convincing.
Lana: As the damsel in distress? Have you ever met a woman less damselly?
Malory: Pam.

Cheryl: Think about someone else for once in your life.
Lana: And that's her saying that.

With your looks, maybe bitchy isn't the way to go.

Archer Quotes

Cheryl: What the stupid shit are you doing??
Cyril: You said you wanted watermelon.
Cheryl: Watermelon's red?
Cyril: Yes. How do you not know that?
Cheryl: Who am I? Charles Frederick Andress?

Archer: In case you haven't noticed, this place is crawling with rebels.
Pam: And not the good kind you get drunk with at Myrtle Beach, and cruise the strip in the bed of their monster truck with a big rebel flag on it.