We know that if there's something we can't handle with this kid, we can always lean on you.

Ellie: Stan is a major handful.
Laurie: Bitch please, one of my brother's thought he was a pitbull.

Laurie: Highway to the lady zone, what what.
Ellie: Highway indeed.

Ellie: We're at a public event this is not the place for ear sex and a full body rub down.
Laurie: All you do is take me granted.

Letting you put this green screen in my apartment was one the worst mistakes of my life, and I've went out with Dennis Rodman y’all.

I haven’t hurt this bad since I had to push my childhood home to a gas station. I would give anything to stop.

That’s the first time I've been called a slut in a bad way.

Jules: Hey, does it make me gay if I eat this?
Ellie: I think it does.
Jules: Well I’m doing it anyway.
Laurie: Do you want a fork?

Even I’m uncomfortable, and I once had sex in a cemetery. I had "Rita Rogers Loving Wife and Mother" printed on my back for two weeks.

Laurie: Hey, for the record I wore underwear tonight so you'd think I was classy.
Travis: No you didn't.
Laurie: I didn't. Turns out I don't actually own any.

No one's ever made me a stalker video that I didn't have to see in a courtroom first. I love it.

Laurie: Burn in hell you sad, desperate skank.
Grayson: Texting your mom?
Laurie: Yeah.

Cougar Town Quotes

Laurie: Jules told me never to ask, but why do you call me Jellybean?
Ellie: Well JB, when Jules first hired you I thought you were so simple minded she could convince you that Jellybeans were more valuable than gold and subsequently pay you in Jellybeans. This concept was eventually shorted into your nickname, Jellybean.

Grayson: Shall we?
Jules: Indeed!