Lenny: No, mine was rubber mats in the decontamination showers, also water in the decontamination showers.
Burns: Never!

Lenny: Why do they call this a yard of ale?
Carl: Easy, after you drink it, you're passed out in a yard.

Lenny(on piracy): That was so much better than the cinema. It mixes the wonder of movie-going with the rush of stealing.
Carl: All we want is brand new, big-budget entertainment in our homes for nothing. Why doesn't Hollywood get that?

Homer: Wait, you guys saw the new Radioactive man sequel?
Carl: Uh, it's not sequel,it's a reboot.
Lenny: Actually, this one undoes the stuff from the last one, so it's a deboot.

Quimby: Don't you idiots see what this means.
Lenny: Idiots? Why do we re-elect this guy?
Carl: Because his opponent has a long Slavic name.

Homer: Wait, the frog in the trench coat is Kermit too.
Lenny: All the frogs in that show are Kermit. Keeps all the other frog actors out of work.

Lenny: Trouble in paradise?
Homer: No, my marriage.

Uh-oh. Denise Hibbert keeps liking Bumblebee Man's posts. That's how it starts.

When a guy who loves america cries, it makes him super straight.

They think they're better than us because their performance review reflects it!

Lenny: Homer, don't be so quick to abandon this paparazzo thing.
Carl: Yeah, it's the American tradition to cut people down to size because they're brought so much joy into our lives.
Lenny: You know who I can't stand? That Robin Williams. You know one time I saw him eating dinner with his children. He wouldn't take the time out to do all the funny bits from his movies.
Carl: And my sister once saw Burt Reynolds at an airport, and he wouldn't even cosign her mortgage.
Homer: You guys are right! I should get back into the game. (Moaning) Oh, but I threw away my camera!
Moe: Oh, here. (Hands Homer his camera) Use this one. I was gonna use it to take secret photos in the ladies' toilet, but no dames ever come in this joint.
Homer: Thanks, Moe. (Leaves the bar)
Moe: Sure.
(Two pretty women enter)
Woman #1: Excuse me, do you have a ladies' room?
Woman #2: We need to trade bras and panties.
Moe: Oh! You gotta be kidding me! (Breaks a beer bottle horizontally with his hands.)

Lenny: The flames are heading straight for our flammable district!
Carl: That's where our mom works.

The Simpsons Quotes

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

Mr. Burns: Oh, and one more thing: you must find the jade monkey before the next full moon.
Smithers Actually sir, we found the jade monkey. It was in your glove compartment.
Mr. Burns: And the road maps, and ice scraper?
Smithers: They were in there too, sir.
Mr. Burns: Excellent! It's all falling into place...