The Simpsons

Sundays 8:00 PM on FOX
The simpsons
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Lenny: Hey, look! Homer's got one of those robot cars.
(Crash)
Carl: One of those American robot cars.

Ned: Since the police can't seem to get off their duff-a-roonies to do something about this burglar-ino, I propose we start out own neighborhood watch (pause) aroony! (everyone cheers) Now, who should lead the group?
Man: You!
Everyone: (cheering again) Flanders! Flanders! Flanders!
Ned: Well, I don't have much experience, but I'd be--
Moe: Someone else!
Ned: (more cheers) Someone else! Someone else! Someone else!
Homer: I'm someone else!
Lenny: He's right!
Homer: We don't need a thinker, we need a doer! Someone who'll act without considering the consequences!

Homer: So uh...what do you guys think of Mindy?
Carl: We love cake. Anybody see the game last night?
Homer: Yeeeah. That Mindy seems real nice.
Lenny: Homer, what's with you? You're talking during a coffee break!
Carl: Yeah, usually you just take the box of donuts into the bathroom!
Homer: Mindy has a motorcycle!

Homer: (writing on his hand) Mindy, because of our uncontrollable attraction, I think we should avoid each other from now on.
Lenny: (writing on his hand) Max, what I did was because of alcohol and anger...
Guy with huge hand: (writing on his hand) I am tired of these jokes about my giant hand. The first such incidence occurred in 1956 when...
Mindy: Hi Homer!
Homer: Mindy! Uh...Ahem...
Homer's Brain: Oh no, I'm sweating like Roger Ebert...
Homer: Mu...Murphy... You, you are an elf... uncontrollably... I think!

Lenny: Aw, if they hire a woman we won't be able to spit on the floor.
Carl: And we can't take off our pants when it gets real hot.
Homer: And we won't be able to pee in the drinking fountain.
(Lenny and Carl stare at him)
Homer: Er, I mean, not--you know, if we wanted to--not that I ever did.

Brad Goodman: Let me hear what's troubling you. Don't be shy, yell it out. Everybody, go!
Mayor Quimby: I, er, can't commit to a relationship.
Mr. Burns: I'm too nice!
Apu: I have problems with--
Lenny: I'm always interrupting people!

Carl: Hey, Homer, you wanna get a beer on the way home?
Homer: (bitter) I can't. I gotta take my wife to the ballet.
Lenny: Heh, You're gonna go see the bear in the little car, huh?

Barney: (whacking invisible snakes) Snakes! Snakes everywhere!
Lenny: You gettin' ready for Whacking Day?
Barney: What's Whacking Day?

Mr. Burns: Look at him, Smithers. Exercising away. While the others are off at the candy machine.
Homer: Hey, Lenny, can you get this Sugar Daddy off my back?
Lenny: Okay, but it's the last time!

Carl: Hey, I heard we're goin' to Ape Island.
Lenny: Yeah, to capture a giant ape. I wished we were going to Candy Apple Island.
Charlie: Candy Apple Island? What do they got there?
Carl: Apes. But they're not so big.

Carl: That's it?
Lenny: Yeah, I've got a magic bat too!
Carl: And I have an enchanting jockstrap, Heh, heh, heh.

Lenny: Hit one here Charlie!
(Charlie swings his bat, it slips out his hands and goes flying into one of Lenny's shins)
Lenny: (in pain) Aah! Aaah!

Displaying quotes 25 - 36 of 46 in total

The Simpsons Quotes

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

Wow, now I see why they call you Miss Hoover. You must have been vacuuming for an hour.

Bart