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Sheldon: Looking out at your fresh young faces, I remember when I, too, was deciding my academic future as a lowly graduate student. Of course, I was fourteen. And I had already achieved more than most of you could ever hope to, despite my 9:00 bedtime. Now, there may be one or two of you in this room who has what it takes to succeed in theoretical physics, although it's more likely that you'll spend your scientific careers teaching fifth graders how to make papier-mÃ¢chÃ© volcanoes with baking soda lava.
Leonard: Oh, good God.
Sheldon: In short, anyone who told you that you would someday be able to make some significant contribution to physics, played a cruel trick on youâ€”a cruel trick indeed. Any questions? ... Of course not. I weep for the future of science
- Permalink: 00 bedtime. Now, there may be one or two of you in this room who...
Rajesh: Isn't there a University policy against dating graduate students?
Leonard: No. If you can talk to them, you can ask them out.
Rajesh: Damn, there's always a catch
- Permalink: Isn't there a University policy against dating graduate students...
Sheldon: How am I going to get to work?
Leonard: Take the bus.
Sheldon: Oh, I can't take the bus anymore. They don't have seatbelts, and they won't
let you lash yourself to the seat with bungee cords.
Leonard: You tried to lash yourself to the seat with bungee cords?
Sheldon: I didn't try; I succeeded.
- Permalink: How am I going to get to work? Take the bus. Oh, I can't tak...
Sheldon: Leonard, have you ever wondered why my little toes and lateral incisors are significantly smaller than the average for someone of my size?
Leonard: I wonder a lot of things about you Sheldon, but not that
- Permalink: Leonard, have you ever wondered why my little toes and lateral i...
Raj: Did you see my limo downstairs?
Raj: It's bigger than the house my grandfather grew up in.
Raj: It has more food, too
- Permalink: Did you see my limo downstairs? Yeah. It's bigger than the h...
Leonard: It wouldn't kill us to meet new people.
Sheldon: For the record, it could kill us to meet new people
- Permalink: It wouldn't kill us to meet new people. For the record, it cou...
Wolowitz: So you're just going to sit around here and mope while Penny is out with Dr. Apu from the Kwik-E-Mart?
Leonard: It's not a date, and that's racist.
Wolowitz: It can't be racist, he's a beloved character on The Simpsons
- Permalink: So you're just going to sit around here and mope while Penny is ...
Leonard: If we do get a new friend, he should be a guy you can trust. You know, a guy who has your back.
Wolowitz: And he should have a lot of money and live in a cool place down by the beach where we could throw parties.
Sheldon: And he should share our love of technology.
Wolowitz: And he should know a lot of women.
Leonard: Okay, let's see: money, women, technology. Okay, we're agreed. Our new friend is going to be Iron Man
- Permalink: If we do get a new friend, he should be a guy you can trust. You...
Sheldon: Why should I leave? This is my apartment, too.
Leonard: I know it is. And if science ever discovers a second member of your species, and you two would like some privacy, I'll be more than happy to get out of your way
- Permalink: Why should I leave? This is my apartment, too. I know it is. A...
Leonard: How could you just sit there and let them spy on me?
Sheldon: They were clever, Leonard. They exploited my complete lack of interest in what you were doing
- Permalink: How could you just sit there and let them spy on me? They were...
Leonard: What do you mean, you're moving out? Why?
Sheldon: There doesn't have to be a reason.
Leonard: Yeah, there kinda does.
Sheldon: Not necessarily. This is a classic example of MÃ¼nchhausen's Trilemma. Either the reason is predicated on a series of sub-reasons leading to an infinite regression, or it tracks back to arbitrary axiomatic statements, or it's ultimately circular, i.e. I'm moving out because I'm moving out.
Leonard: I'm still confused.
Sheldon: Leonard, I don't see how I could have made it any simpler
- Permalink: What do you mean, you're moving out? Why? There doesn't have t...
Penny: So it's fine with you if I'm not smart.
Leonard: Absolutely. [Penny closes the door on him] Okay, this time I know where I went wrong
- Permalink: So it's fine with you if I'm not smart. Absolutely. Okay, thi...