Leonard Hofstadter Quotes
Penny: Okay, look, here, page 58. I oil-wrestle an orangutan
in a bikini.
Leonard: Just to clarify, which one of you is wearing the bikini?
Penny: Both of us.
Leonard: So it's a family film.
- Permalink: So it's a family film.
Penny: Next time I get pulled over for a speeding ticket, here come the waterworks.
Sheldon [running to bathroom]: Here come the waterworks!
Leonard: Aren't you gonna ask?
Penny: What is this, my first day?
- Permalink: What is this, my first day?
Sheldon: Boy, do I have to urinate.
Leonard: If only there were a solution
Sheldon: Seriously. I feel like I've got
a fish tank in my pelvis.
- Permalink: Seriously. I feel like I've got a fish tank in my pelvis.
He has a very sensitive butt. Well, it's true. I once saw him sit on a bunch of loose change and add it all up.
Penny: This isn't your car.
Leonard: I know. I thought we'd take yours.
- Permalink: I know. I thought we'd take yours.
"Let's just get this over with." Am I driving you to the Cheesecake Factory, or are we having sex?
Sheldon: No, I've changed. Like the frog who's put in a pot of water that's heated so gradually he doesn't realize he's boiling to death.
Penny: Or you're the frog who's been kissed by a princess and turned into a prince.
Leonard: Or, you're just a tall, annoying frog.
- Permalink: Or, you're just a tall, annoying frog.
Sheldon: I have spent years turning this lump of clay into an acceptable conduit for my will, and then you came along and reshaped him, with your newfangled ideas and your fancy genitals.
Penny: Are you gonna let him talk to me like this?
Leonard: "Fancy" sounds like a compliment.
- Permalink: "Fancy" sounds like a compliment.
Leonard: Waah. I don't want a table!
- Permalink: Waah. I don't want a table!
Leonard: In fact, if you want, we can do it right here on Sheldon's spot.
Penny: That is the least sexy thing anyone's ever said to me.
- Permalink: That is the least sexy thing anyone's ever said to me.
Leonard: Plus, I'm not sure it's a great idea to take Penny to where wine comes from. [chuckles] What? It's a joke. Oh, come on. We bust on each other. I wear dorky glasses, you might have a problem -- it's all for laughs.
Penny: That would really piss me off if I didn't have a buzz going on.
- Permalink: That would really piss me off if I didn't have a buzz going on.
Leonard: I say this one time instead of wimping out, let's be badasses!
Raj: Okay, I'll be a badass -- but only if you pinkie swear to be one, too.
- Permalink: Okay, I'll be a badass -- but only if you pinkie swear to be one, too.
Penny: Here's a question-- as an alien pretending to be human, are you planning to engage in any post-prom mating rituals with Amy?
Sheldon: There are post-prom mating rituals?
Penny: Not always. Unless your date drives a van with an air mattress, then always.
Sheldon: Well, if it's part of the prom experience, then I'm open to it.
Penny: You're kidding.
Sheldon: I may be an alien, but I have urges.If Amy wants to copulate by firing her eggs into space, well, then, I will happily catch them with the reproductive sac on my upper flermin. I'm not the best at reading facial cues, but I can see that you're a little turned on.
Penny, there's only one cookie with something in the middle that solves life's problems, and that's an Oreo. Or a Nutter Butter, if you're in a pinch.Sheldon