You did the wrong thing for the right reasons. Never do that again.

Gibbs: That’s a new lock!
Sgt. Dawson: About as secure as a screen door on a submarine.

Nelson: My carbon footprint is very low.
Gibbs: Aside from smoking like a chimney.
Nelson: That’s the only reason I got busted.
McGee: You lit up in a public place, it’s against the law.
Nelson: Apparently, horses can smell prime kush for miles!

McGee: There’s an entire American sub-culture devoted to bone collecting.
Bishop: How do you know that?
Gibbs: He dated Abby!

Commander, your ship is an active crime scene. The only place it’s going is back to Norfolk!

Bishop: Courtesy of Facebook, we learned that Dean once sailed across the Pacific. Alone.
McGee: Before that, he summited Mt. Kilimanjaro, also alone.
Torres: A man after my own hear. Except for the mountain climbing and sailing. And, uh, Meat Loaf.
Bishop: Hey, I like Meat Loaf.
Gibbs: Why are we talking about Meat Loaf? We got a theory or not?!

Jimmy: I know you like me, too.
Gibbs [ominously]: Oh, yeah.
Jimmy: Growing less and less certain by the second.

McGee: What did Bishop say?
Gibbs: We should go to church.
Torres: Oh, my mom would be so happy right now…

Gibbs: It’s strictly voluntary.
McGee: I’m good.
Gibbs: Well, you got new responsibilities.
McGee: Boss, I appreciate that, but… don’t forget, I’m an NCIS Special Agent.

McGee: Well, we went from a snowball’s chance in hell of getting out of here to a--
Gibbs: --snowball’s chance in Arizona.

McGee: Why’d you have to swing so hard?
Gibbs: Why’d you have to have to break my wood carving?

Bishop [about Ducky and Jimmy]: To think they actually enjoy this!
Gibbs: Ha! Face it -- we *all* enjoy this.

NCIS Quotes

Bishop: Seriously? How'd you get that?
Tony: Well, it's like Gorillas in the Midst. You'll get to understand his grunts.

Torres: When I break out the glass, maybe I can rip out the bars.
Bishop: With what? Your superhuman strength?