Better Off Ted

Linda Zwordling Quotes

Linda [to Veronica]: When you do care, you care one hundred and crazy percent.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Linda: I had an aunt who fought a cow for beer money once. The cow never forgave her.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ted: What are you afraid of? If you... if you throw a game, it's gonna keep you out of the time-wasters hall of fame?
Linda: No. My position there is secure from getting my art history degree.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Veronica: Do you live here? Do all the cubicle workers have little hobbit holes like this?
Linda: No, some of us nest in trees, others have underground warrens.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Veronica: So you're going to be in a room filled with weak, malleable children, and a man is going to bring in a toy. When he does, you're going to say very bad things about it.
Rose: Why?
Veronica: Because we're telling you to, and you should always do what adults tell you to do, especially when they give you candy.
Linda: It's just a fun game we're playing--like dress-up, only instead of clothes, we're dressing up the things that are coming out of your mouth.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Linda: You make no sound when you walk.
Veronica: Then I am ready to leave the monastery and avenge my parents. I'm kidding. I just buy expensive shoes made from very soft animals.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Linda: Hey, sweetie, want to go smoke a cigarette in the bathroom? See? I can be bad. Don't ever smoke, Rose. Every time you smoke a cigarette, Santa Claus kills an elf. What, helping or hurting? Because I can throw Jesus into the mix.
Ted: I think we're good.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Linda: I can't stand that Veronica makes fun of me in meetings. If the boss doesn't respect me, other people won't. Including the little Linda in my head. And even on a good day, that little bitch won't shut up.
 • Rating: Unrated

Linda: Can't we develop one product that doesn't end up being used to kill people? Even our fat-free cinnamon roll led to that new sticky bomb.
Veronica: You're so moral and perfect all the time. Do singing birds and mice dress you and brush your hair in the morning?
Linda: No. Although my dad does call me "Princess." And there is a grumpy dwarf in my building.
 • Rating: Unrated

Linda: Well, in my experience, scaring a man away is pretty easy. Basically, you're gonna want to put three words into heavy rotation--babies, future, and commitment.
Veronica: Back off! I need my space! Wow, those words are powerful.
 • Rating: Unrated

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