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Linda: Hey, sweetie, want to go smoke a cigarette in the bathroom? See? I can be bad. Don't ever smoke, Rose. Every time you smoke a cigarette, Santa Claus kills an elf. What, helping or hurting? Because I can throw Jesus into the mix.
Ted: I think we're good.


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Better Off Ted Season 2 Episode 9 Quotes

Linda: You make no sound when you walk.
Veronica: Then I am ready to leave the monastery and avenge my parents. I'm kidding. I just buy expensive shoes made from very soft animals.

Pete: Hey, Ted. Strengthening your hand for that big date with yourself?
Ted: Nope, just practicing for later when I squeeze your mom's boobs. I'm not proud of that. I actually had a lovely conversation with Pete's mom at the Christmas party.